Catching Up with the Collins Crew

Crazy times

2011-11-23T10:27:00.000-05:00

It's times like this past week that I feel so fortunate to have such a fun family. I love when my sister and her family and then myself and my family meet up at my mom's house. (Other wise known as "Nana's House...the coolest, funnest, I-can-get-away-with-everything house.) Pappy is there too and he helps in all of the spoiling but for some reason ever since Drew, the first grandchildren, could talk we've always called it "Nana's house."

We haven't seen my sister and her family since July. It's amazing how the kids just pick right back up like they've seen each other yesterday. They had a great time playing outside, jumping in leaves, playing football and providing us utter chaos for 4 fun days.

Here's a picture that we took when we finally could get the four nut balls to sit still....

Great picture, right? What you have to understand is to get this sweet picture of these four awesome kids, we had to go through a lot of pictures like this...

Here are some of my favorite random shots taken over the past couple of days...

In this picture, it looks like the boys are doing yard work for Nana and Pappy....

When really, they created a really cool leave pile to jump in!

Here is Drew with Jax, his new buddy. Jax loves Drew and Drew had a great time training Jax to do tricks.

Here's Jax yawning...check out Drew's face!

Our chaos is gone. The boys are back in school and my sister and her family left to spend Thanksgiving with her in-laws. I will post a video soon that we took of us surprising the kids that we are all going to Disneyworld together.

Amelia Bedelia Strikes Again...

2011-11-16T11:11:00.000-05:00

So, we all know what this is....

And we all know that we "pull down" in case of emergency. But, did you know that most children with autism are literal thinkers. If Sean sees a sign on a door that says "knock" he will knock even if the door is open. The children's book character, Amelia Bedelia, is also a literal thinker. What people say to her, she hears word for word. She takes it "literally." Sean is the same. Sean is also a child who loves roasting marshmallows, blowing out candles and just staring at the fire place when it is on. Now, imagine thinking like Sean does and being at school, walking by that fire alarm several times a time. It says "FIRE" and "PULL DOWN." Most likely, he's thinking if he pulls that lever down, a fire will appear like it does on a match or lighter.

Now, imagine being me. It's Monday, end of the school day and time for me to get in the car pool line. I'm sitting there reading my book just relaxing before the kids get in the car. The car pool line is huge and parents are ready to get out of there. I hear the announcements over the loud speaker which means the kids will be coming out any minute. Usually, the older kids that volunteer to help out in car pool come out first. Monday was a little different. All of a sudden I hear an alarm. It sounded like someone's car alarm was going off at the gas station across the street. I push the button on my door to make my window go up so I can enjoy these last few minutes of reading. That's when I see them. Not just the handful of kids coming out the front door of the school....the entire school walking out calmly, staying in line. It's a fire drill. Now, it's two minutes before pick up so clearly there was either a fire or someone, yes someone, pulled the fire alarm. Then, I spot him. I spot my son, Sean, walking out of the school proudly, grinning from ear to ear. He's done it. He actually pulled off every little boys dream and pulled the fire alarm at school. As soon as I saw his face, I knew it was him. You see, Sean's OCD is so high that for him to have to walk out of the school, see my car and then go back inside without losing his mind meant he knew what was going on. The fire trucks (yes, they have to send fire trucks) couldn't get to the school because the car pool line was blocking the road. Luckily, there was a fireman in car pool line there to pick up his grandson. Once the wonderful fire drill is complete, Sean and Hunter climb in my car. Sean has a full time aide that goes with him through the day. She informs me that it was Sean. He has been trying to get these alarms all year and finally broke through her. We drive away and I ask Sean what happened. He says "I pulled the fire man." Hunter busted out laughing and said "Sean you are my hero. You are going to be the most popular kid in school tomorrow." I do want to note that this is his first offense.

After a long "talk" with Sean, we hope that he sees that you only "pull" if there is an emergency. Yesterday, he didn't even attempt so hopefully he got it out of his system.

Here are a few other Amelia Bedelia moments that Sean has had recently....

Handwriting:

I told Sean it was time for him to go sit at the table and work on his handwriting. I was so impressed as I heard him saying in the other room "and there, and there, and there, and good job handwriting." He walked around the corner and handed me this:

Obviously...his hand writing. :)

I don't have clue!

One day while I was frantically trying to get dinner done, Sean kept asking me where his Dizzy Fun Land toy was. I said "I don't know. Where did you put it?" He kept asking me "where is it?" After asking me this over and over again I finally looked at him and said "Sean, I don't have a clue!" He left the room and came back and handed me this:

Yes, my friends, it's a clue. My son handed me a clue from Blues Clues and said "there...it's a clue."

Never a dull moment in our house. Especially with Hunter cheering him on!

A fun weekend...

2011-11-14T13:26:00.000-05:00

On Friday, we celebrated Veteran's Day by attending the Veteran's Day Parade in Downtown Raleigh. Hunter is in the Boy Scouts and his Pack marched in the parade. Jeremy, who was in 82nd Airborne, marched in the parade with Hunter. It was a very special time for both of them. They both enjoyed marching through the city singing Boy Scout songs. Here's a picture of Hunter that Jeremy took before the parade started. He's in the blue jacket.

Sean and I watched the parade right in the middle of the city. Sean said we were in New York City because of all of the tall buildings. It was absolutely freezing that morning but we braved the cold temps to watch for Jeremy and Hunter. Sean really enjoyed the marching bands and the candy being thrown to us. Here is Sean all nice and warm waiting for the parade to start.

Every Saturday, the boys go horseback riding. They ride at a wonderful place called Reins From Above. It is a therapeutic horseback riding facility. We mainly go for Sean. However, we have Hunter ride as well so that they can do it together. They both love it. This past Saturday, after they were done on a trail ride, Hunter went and helped out around the farm while Sean did some Sensory Work on the horses. It's amazing how animals can have such a positive effect on humans. Especially children with autism. I'm in the process of reading this book called The Horse Boy by Rupert Isaacson. It is an amazing book that tells the true story of a child with autism and how much horse therapy helped him. Well, it just so happens that Reins From Above has a few instructors that are trained in The Horse Boy method. So, we thought...what the heck, let's give it a try. The sensory work consisted of Sean laying on the horse without a saddle. He just laid on the horse, hugged him and just relaxed. It was so peaceful for him. Here's a few pictures from Reins From Above.

Speaking of animals..I also wanted to share with you a picture of Jax. Jax is our 5 month old Doberman puppy who already weighs 56 pounds. He is so much fun to have around but we have to consistently work on training him because he is sooo big. Here's Jax with his best buddy Callie, our Puggle.

One of my favorite pictures of Jax is with my mom's new dog, Shadow. Shadow is the same age as Jax but is a miniature cockapoo that weighs 3 1/2 pounds compared to Jax's 56 pounds. This picture is so funny...

We couldn't get Jax to sit still long enough to get a really good picture. But you can see the difference in size between the two. Callie is such a trooper with both puppies. She really is happy to have another dog in the house again.

We are very excited for this weekend. My sister, Tanya, and her family will be visiting from Connecticut. It is the fun time of the year that we like to call chaotic fun. It gets pretty crazy around here with all four kids together but they have so much fun that it's worth it.

I will post more later...

Catching up with the Collins...

2011-11-07T12:02:00.000-05:00

Almost a year has gone by since I've updated my blog. I'm so sorry for not updated any sooner. We all doing great! Just busy busy busy...
Here's an update on each of us:
Jeremy: Jeremy has been the busiest of us all. Working crazy hours but has done a great job with getting the dealership where it needs to be. We are very thankful to have a hard working dad/husband.
Hunter: Hunter is now in the 3rd grade and loving every minute of it. He loves school, especially science. About a month ago, he joined the Boy Scouts. He says it's the funnest thing he's ever done.
Sean: Sean is now going to school full time. He's not excited about it but will go without any fuss and will do the work he needs to do to be done. He has a one on one aide that goes with him through out the school all day. Hopefully, he will continue to do well.
Me: I have a lot more time on my hands now that the boys are both in school. I do miss homeschooling Sean and it has given me more of a struggle in the afternoons. Usually, I have all day with Sean so that when Hunter comes home I can spend some time with just Hunter. Now, I have to divide it between the two. It's only difficult on the days that Sean needs more assistance with things.
Callie: Callie is very excited to have our new member of our family, Jax. She was so lonely after Baron died last year. Now, she is happy again.
Jax: Jax is our crazy 5 month old puppy. We should have named him Marmaduke. He is so much fun to be around but is very big, puppy clumsy and has one ear up and one ear down.
I'm going to post some pictures later! Just wanted to update while I'm thinking about it!

What I remember about Christmas as a little girl...

2010-12-22T10:41:00.004-05:00

As a mom, we want our children to have as close to a perfect Christmas as possible. We decorate our houses with the most extraoridinare Christmas decorations. The inside of our homes looks like you've just stepped into Mrs. Clause's house. The Elf on the Shelf is hiding every morning, if we remember. Christmas cards bombarb our mailboxes with pictures of all of our children from this year. Don't forget about the Gingerbread houses, baking cookies, singing Christmas carols, and trying to buy every item on that list to Santa Claus. It is no wonder us women have higher heart attack rates then men! It's crazy.

What I remember about Christmas when I was a little girl isn't all of the numerous decorations, lights or Christmas cards. Sure, I remember certain decorations light our advent wreath, the angel on top of the tree and our Advent calendars. But even more importantly, the one thing I remember about my mom when I was little and Christmas time, is all of the time we spent together playing, baking cookies and wrapping presents. I don't remember her ever yelling, stressing out or trying to make it perfect. You see, just by being our mom and by playing with us and spending "fun" time together, she made it perfect.

For me, Christmas can be a very overwhelming, stressful time of the year. So, this year to keep my stress at a minimum which in return gives the boys a fun day, and to really enjoy the Christmas spirit of peace, I toned down the decorations, didn't go shopping crazy looking for the perfect gift and I even skipped out on sending Christmas cards. And I have to tell you, it's been a wonderful Christmas season so far. We've enjoyed baking cookies, looking at lights and just singing Christmas carols. I'm looking forward to more Christmas' like this year. For once, Christmas is feeling like it should....peaceful!

Merry Christmas from the Collins family!

2010-12-01T07:45:00.003-05:00

Every where I look, it's Christmas. It even started before Thanksgiving. My neighbors all have their lights up. Radio stations are playing Christmas music. The TV stations have even started playing all of the traditional Christmas shows. (Rudolph is by far my favorite.) For some reason, I just haven't been ready for Christmas. It's not that I'm in a Bahumbug type of mood. It's not that I don't love Christmas. It's that I feel like we rush through life so much that I just want to slow it down and enjoy it. Christmas goes by so quickly. This is a season of miracles and I feel that we all get caught up in all of the hoopla of shopping, decorating and Christmas partying that we miss out on the miracles around us today.

Although I'm not ready to hang up my decorations just yet and the Christmas tree is going to wait another week, today is December 1st which marks a very special day in the Collins house. The start of our Advent Calendars. Ever since I was a little girl, I would get an Advent Calendar for Christmas. The way it works is there are 24 doors on a calendar with chocolate behind them. Each day of December leading up to Christmas Eve we open a door and get a piece of chocolate. My mom, who is from Germany, started this German tradition with us when we were little and passed it on to my kids and my sister's kids when they were just babies. It's a special tradition for all of us. This year, the kids not only got an Advent Calendar with chocolate they also received a special Advent Card from my cousin and his wife in Germany. (Vielen Dank Dorothea & Michael.) Here's a picture of the boys opening their first doors on the calendars.

So, even if I want to slow down Christmas and really enjoy the season this year, it's here and it will, unfortunately, go by quickly. I promise I will decorate soon and have actually started with my blog! I only ask that this year, you too slow down and see the miracles happening around you. Take some time to make someone else's Christmas a blessing as well!

I'm Thankful For...

2010-11-23T13:51:00.003-05:00

This week, I decided to center Sean's schooling around Thanksgiving. We're reading about the Pilgrims and the Indians, talking about who's coming to our house for Thanksgiving and things that we are thankful for. Today, Sean made his turkey and on the feathers he wrote what he was thankful for. What is really special about this turkey is the fact that Sean could actually list the things that he is thankful for. They are, in the following order:

1. Hunter (Hunter is going to be so excited when he comes home and sees this.)
2. Christmas and Tomy Gearation (Tomy Gearation is a toy Sean asked Santa to bring him when we visited Crabtree the other day.)
3. Drew (He's very excited that Drew is coming on Wednesday)
4. Cinderella and the Prince's Side of the Story (Sean is very into Cinderella right now. So much that he actually wanted to be Cinderella for Halloween. Which is where I draw the line. The Prince's Side of the Story is an episode of Super Why, his favorite show on TV right now.)
5. Thanksgiving (He says he's happy it's Thanksgiving because then it's Christmas and Santa is going to bring that Tomy Gearation.)
6. Avery (His younger cousin who gives him so much attention when she visits. He's been talking about her non-stop lately.)
7. Antuna (Here he was trying to spell "Aunt Tanya". I love how he spelled it. He says he's ready to see Antuna and her phone. She has an iPhone that he loves.)
8. Sean (I asked him one more time "What is something that you're thankful for? Something or someone that makes you really happy." He stopped and looked at me and put his hands on his chest and said "Sean!" So modest!)

For me, I'm so thankful for the progress Sean's making, for Hunter and his amazing ability to be this understanding, caring brother/son, for an awesome husband, family, friends and neighbors, for being healthy so that I can do everything I do and most importantly for God and all of the blessings that keep coming our way even in the midst of this crazy storm called "autism".

Trying to play catch up...

2010-11-02T20:32:00.005-04:00

Yes, it's been crazy busy and I've neglected my blog way too much. I've been meaning to update it with even just a picture but things really have been crazy.

Instead of spending so much time trying to truly catch you up on life in the Collins' house, I'm going to start with Halloween.

The boys had a great time with Halloween this year. Sean decided he wanted to be a clown and Hunter wanted to be something scary this year so he chose the Executioner. I thought they should go as Mario and Luigi but they didn't think it was funny. So, clown and the Executioner it was!

We also had a great time visiting a local farm called Hillridge Farms. It's very popular in this area for a family visit to a pumpkin patch.

So, now that I've broken the ice and finally posted something, let's see if I can keep it up! Hopefully over the next week, I can catch you up with pictures from our trip to Florida, our visit with Drew and Avery and lots of other crazy fun moments in the Collins home!

Spectrum Spirit

2010-06-04T07:42:00.004-04:00

For those of you who don't know about Spectrum Spirit, I wanted to take some time to tell you a little about it.

About a year ago, myself and two of my fellow "autism moms" decided to take on a new venture. We know first hand how hard it can be to be a mom to a child with autism. Fortunately, for the three of us we know who to turn to for support during these tough days. However, there are so many moms out there who don't know God and don't turn to him when it gets tough. I've heard numerous amounts of stories where moms have become depressed, hurt themselves or worse yet their children. So we started a weekly online Bible study to not only reach these moms but to reach the moms who already know God but need the extra support like we do! It's so easy to get wrapped up in our own lives that we forget about the bigger picture.

If you know anyone who has a child with autism, please tell them about Spectrum Spirit. It's amazing the work that we've seen God do through this study.

Thanks!

Camping

2010-05-26T21:13:00.008-04:00

I had a pretty strange request for Mother's Day. Most of us mom's know exactly what we want on Mother's Day...peace and quiet. No kids, no hubbies, no one. Except our nearest and dearest friends of course! This year, I wanted to do something different so I had this wonderful idea to go camping. Jeremy agreed and took some time off of work to take us to the mountains near the NC/SC border for a long Mother's Day weekend vacation. I was psyched! We get to go camping, spend some good quality family time together and we get to go to the mountains. The closer we got to Mother's Day weekend, the more I wondered if I made the right request for Mother's Day. A whole weekend with the family with no tv, no electronics and no where to escape. But I couldn't change my mind now. The boys were both talking about camping non-stop, we had our sleeping bags and camping equipment ready. And, best of all....I got a new pair of hiking shoes. (Yes, sneakers would have worked just fine but I needed to play the part of being a true camping girl. So I got the hiking shoes.)

I have to say that our camping trip on Mother's Day weekend was our best family vacation ever. (Yes, it even beats our Disney trip where we spent way too much money.) I mean here we are in the middle of the most beautiful peaceful part of North Carolina with absolutely no distractions. No phones ringing, no fighting over what to watch on tv, no Facebook, and no reality tv. It was phenomenal.

First we went to Cedar Mountain NC. We stayed at Camp Greenville. This is a camp operated by the YMCA in Greenville, SC. (The camp is in the mountains way north of Greenville.) We went for a weekend that was called Spectrum Camp. It was for families who have children on the autism spectrum. This was our first time going and we really enjoyed it. There was alot of group time that honestly we weren't big fans of. The funny thing is, it wasn't Sean who was having problems in the group, it was Jeremy and me. We wanted to spend this weekend just the four of us. So we did. We went on hikes together. They had the most amazing site at this camp. It's called Pretty Place. It's a church that the YMCA built so that the campers could go to church when they were camping. Pretty Place over looks the mountains. It's truly magical.

We went canoeing. We laughed and screamed together while canoeing since Sean kept trying to rock the canoe back and forth in hopes to tip us over. We discovered waterfalls and actually sat behind them.

It was a great night at camp.

Notice I said night. Yes, we were suppose to stay for two nights. However, this is what our beds looked like. You got it, super small twin bunk beds. You see the cabins are designed for kids.
This is how tiny the toilets were. And we all know how big of a guy my husband is so there was no way he fitting on there!Then there was thing that happened while we were sleeping. The windows were located right by our heads seeing that we all slept on the top bunk. The beds were these super narrow twin beds. We kept all of the windows open to have a nice draft in the cabin. All of the windows had screens on them. Or so we thought. I had a horrible night's sleep. I heard all kinds of animals. Worse thing of all, I had bugs flying all over me throughout the night.

Needless to say, Jeremy was miserable due to the small beds and small toilets. I was still freaking out over all of the bugs I probably swallowed that night. So we started a secret mission. To convince the boys to leave this fun cabin and go to a hotel. I know, it's horrible. How could we do that!

Sean was easy. All we had to say was indoor pool and hotel and he was in. Hunter took a little more convincing. Finally, after promising him a new toy, dinner at a pizza place, gem mining and his choice of which bed he wants to sleep in, we were Maggie Valley bound! We didn't care which hotel we stayed in, we just needed an indoor pool. Luckily for us, Maggie Valley had tons of nice hotels with indoor pools.

Our weekend got even better. We spent alot of time in the pool just goofing off with the boys. We went sightseeing on the Blue Ridge Parkway. We found that pizza place and enjoyed some pizza. (Sean was super excited to get regular pizza. He actually did really good after eating the pizza as well. Keeping our fingers crossed that he is almost ready to get off the GFCF diet.) Before we ventured home on Mother's Day, we found a gem mine. The boys found rubies, emeralds, amethysts. It was so much fun. (Sean's highlight of the "gemming" was searching for the gems while hanging upside down.)

I couldn't have asked for a better Mother's Day. The weather was beautiful, the mountains were incredible. The time with the family was wonderful.

Meine Schnabella

2010-01-27T19:33:00.005-05:00

It's hard to believe...it's like something you would see in the movies. Only it's real. The sadness and the heartache continues as I have to unfortunately tell you that my Opa died yesterday. My Opa. My Schnabella. (Big mouth...he always called me big mouth so that became our nickname to eachother.) It's so hard to wrap our thoughts, feelings and emotions around this. He was already not doing well. However, losing my Oma the other day was too much for him. It broke his heart. I like to believe, in fact I know, they are soul mates and needed to be together.

They are both in Heaven together. No more pain. No more confusion. They're happy. I am excited to know that I will see them again. I'll just miss them until then.

In the meantime, like memories of my Oma, we have tons of memories with Opa. When I think of my Opa I think of someone who loved his grandchildren, loved his great grandchildren and loved his daughters. He loved his family. He loved sherbert ice cream, fruit and soccer. He loved the Olympics and he loved Westerns. Most of all, he loved America. More so than most of the people who live here. He loved to visit America and see America. I'll always remember Opa as our very own Papparazzi. He was always taking pictures and video films. He loved us all.

My sister and I always felt very lucky to have Oma and Opa. Not only was it cool to say our grandparents were from Germany, but they were also so much fun to hang around. We are also very lucky to not only have tons of really good memories of them, we also have tons of old movies from when they would visit for several months and Opa would video the entire visit. Each year. Each visit. As I said above, I take alot of comfort in knowing that I will see them again in Heaven. I also take comfort in knowing that one day I will take my boys to Germany so that they can learn more about where Oma and Opa lived and who they truly were.

Oma (Grandma)

2010-01-22T13:47:00.014-05:00

With great sadness, I have to share with you all that the best Oma in the entire world passed away yesterday. I say she was the best Oma, not only because how much my sister, me and our cousin Michael love her, but because of how she made us feel. Beautiful. Growing up, my Oma and Opa would come visit from Germany at least once a year. (Please keep my Opa in your prayers through this tough time.) They'd stay for weeks. During this time, she would constantly rub the back of her hand on our faces, our legs, our arms, play with our hair and say "Du bist sehr schön." (You are very pretty/beautiful.) Then she'd smile at us. This is the memory I have of my Oma. She loved to dance and sing to German music. She loved to travel. And she loved my Opa. She would always try to steal kisses from him especially at our request. She will be missed by all.
Oma, what you didn't realize is that you are the most beautiful. Thank you for always making us feel loved and feel beautiful. Wir lieben dich! Tanya & Nicole

Wonderful Quote

2010-01-21T20:23:00.002-05:00

A friend of mine emailed me this quote this morning and it has weighed heavily on my mind since I've read it....

"We worry about what a child will become tomorrow, yet we forget that he is someone today."-Stacie Tauscher

I am so guilty of this with both of my boys. Autism or no autism. We can all relate to this quote.

Has it really been this long?

2009-11-12T09:24:00.009-05:00

I'll be the first to admit, I'm a Facebook junkie. Unfortunately, Facebook has been keeping me away from what I love the most online and that's my blog. I can't believe it's been two months since I've posted anything. Seriously, the boys birthday? Well, if you go on my Facebook account I bet I've updated my status every day since the beginning of September.

Everything is going great our way. The big news is Sean and Hunter. Sean finally after 7 years, has decided his favorite thing to play with in the whole wide world is Hunter. And Hunter loves it. Hunter walks around with a big smile every time Sean asks him to play. (You know I have a big smile on my face as well.) It's great! Along with the playing comes the fighting so I've got to remind myself to not get frustrated when they fight. This is what brothers do.

For the boys birthday, Jeremy and I planned a trip to Busch Gardens with the boys and Pappy. Sean really loved the train and seeing Elmo. Hunter loved the sky rides and visiting Colonial Williamsburg.

After the boys birthday, we got the honor of babysitting Beth and El's boys, Reed and Elliott, while they went away for a three day mountain trip to celebrate their anniversary. We had so much playing with Reed and Elliott. It certainly was different having a baby in the house again but we had a lot of fun. They are some cute boys.

Hunter reading bedtime stories to Reed. Reed just loved it. I think Hunter did too!

Sean loved snuggling with Elliott. By the looks of Elliott's face, he liked it too!

We went to visit Tanya, Kevin, Drew and Avery in October. We had a blast. The boys got to see the leaves change colors and it even snowed. Here's my favorite picture from our trip....

Then there was Halloween. Hunter was a Ninja and Sean was an astronaut. (Thanks Drew for letting us use your costumes. They loved it!)

Now that we're all caught up. I promise to put my Facebook addiction aside and starting writing in my blog. In fact, the one thing I'm doing on Facebook from now until Thanksgiving is writing every day something I'm thankful for. I will do this on my blog as well starting tomorrow. Complete with pictures! In the meantime, here are some more pictures from the past few months that I just love....

Happy Birthday Sean and Hunter!

2009-09-13T07:36:00.004-04:00

Well, it's official...my little boys are growing up! On September 9th, the boys celebrated their 7th birthday. We had, and are actually still having, a week long celebration. Between having their birthday party at Monkey Joe's, opening tons and tons of presents and having birthday celebrations in the classroom, they have welcomed in the year 7 in style.

Here are some pictures of their birthday party at Monkey Joe's....

Who needs English?

2009-08-21T13:45:00.003-04:00

So we're starting to think that maybe, just maybe, Sean should be living in Germany. For those of you who don't know, my mom is from Germany. My grandparents (Oma & Opa), my aunt, uncle and my cousin and his wife all are from Germany as well and still live in Germany. When the boys were babies, my Oma and Opa would come to America at least once a year and spend a lot of time with them. My Oma and Opa are not doing to well to be able to make the trip to see us. Hopefully, I'll be able to bring the boys to them.

In the meantime, Sean is picking up German on his own. Here's Sean singing "Backe Backe Kuchen". This is one of his favorite songs. He even called Nana one day to hear her sing it.

I need to brush up on my German quickly.

We're still here!

2009-08-03T21:17:00.005-04:00

I know, I know. where have we been? It's been over a month since my last entry so I think I'll do a quick synopsis of what we've been up to in the Collins' home.

First off, we took a week's vacation to visit Gramma and Grampa in Upstate New York. We had a wonderful time and the boys were very happy to see everyone. Here are some pictures...

When we got home from NY, my neice Avery and nephew Drew came to visit. We spent a week with doing some really fun things around the pool, visiting museums and just having our usual "fun chaos." Here's my favorite picture...

After my sister left with her kids, we headed to St Augustine Florida for about a week. (Yes, lots of traveling.) Here's a picture of us in Florida....

So we get home and guess what? It's time for school. That's right, Hunter's school is back in session and here's a picture of him on his first day of 1st grade. He loves his teacher, his class and had a great first week.

Sean has had an amazing past couple of weeks. His language is just exploding. Lots and lots of sentences. He's also taking the time out to really point out his environment and share it with me. He's wanting to play with Hunter. He wants to play with his friends. It's amazing how in the past two weeks, he's come out of his shell so much. This is so motivating to me because there is this "urban legend" amonst us Autism Moms that the window of opportunity to help your child is before they are 5 years old. I am happy to say that my son is 6, actually he'll be 7 in about a month and we've seen more gains in the past two weeks than we've ever seen.

I'll write more soon!!! I promise....

Last day of Kindergarten

2009-06-30T21:57:00.002-04:00

Today was Hunter's official last day of Kindergarten. He was so excited to no longer be a kindergartener and to become a 1st grader. He's been talking about this day for a couple weeks now. Then, reality set in. I picked him up from school today and he had this very sad puppy dog look about him. He said "Mommy, Mrs. Jordan and Mrs. Bradley really liked their presents. Mrs. Jordan gave me a hug." Then he stopped and got really quiet. I looked in my rearview mirror and he had that look on his face. You know the one I'm talking about. His face was all red from holding his breath, his eyes were trying not to cry, and his mouth looked like he just ate a lemon. I turned and looked at him and said "what's wrong Hunter?"
He bursted into uncontrollable tears and said "I'm no longer a kindergartener so Mrs. Jordan won't be my teacher any more!!!!"
Sean looked over at Hunter and said "wanna go outside play?" This made Hunter laugh and he is now ready, once again, to be a 1st grader. Sean was happy as well because when we got home we went out back and played.

It's Winter time....

2009-06-28T08:50:00.002-04:00

Well, not really but in the Collins' house it is. Sean is doing incredibly well lately. His big accomplishment lately is his pretend play. This past week, he's "pretending it's winter." He draws snowflakes, cuts them out, goes into his room, puts on a ski hat, boots, sweater and shorts. Then he goes outside, gets on the swing and says "it's winter!" "Look, it's snowing." Then he'll throw his snowflakes in the air and smile. This morning, he picked up the jacks and brought them over to me and said "look mommy, it's a snowflake. Let's pretend it's snowing." It's such a big deal for him to be able to pretend that this jack is a snowflake because it's hard for him to think outside the box. Lately, he has no problem with that. He even saw sand the other day and pointed at it and said "snow!" I, being the fun vaccuum of the day, said "no that's not snow it's sand." He looked right at me and said "pretend it's snow."
This gives us so many teaching opportunities! We've been talking about winter versus summer and what happens in each one. He loves it. It's so nice to be able to talk with him about something other than Blues Clues.

Silence

2009-06-24T07:51:00.002-04:00

This past Monday, I lost something very important to me. I felt strange all day without it. I lost my voice. On Sunday, I started to get that Demi Moore hoarseness about my voice. Then Monday I woke up with no voice. Just a whisper. It was very strange not being able to answer the phone, talk to Jeremy and the boys and when I was working with Sean all I could do was whisper. Needless to say, our home was very quiet on Monday. Jeremy told the boys I was talking too much that's why my voice was lost.
As I've said before I'm a firm believer in everything happening for a reason. I believe that on that day God wanted me to listen more than talk. So I did. (Well, I didn't really have a choice. However, I spent a lot of time listening to others and listening out for Him.)
Later that morning, Sean and I decided to go to the pool. We packed our towels, sunblock and drinks and headed up to the pool. Most mornings, there's nobody there. We have the pool to ourselves. But today, it was packed. I knew I'd have to explain to everyone that I wasn't being rude but I can't really talk. Sean and I get in the pool and all of the moms say hi to us and ask how we're doing. I managed to get out a very scratchy "I lost my voice so I can't talk too much." The moms continued to talk and I chimed in at one point but no one heard me. I felt ignored and frustrated. The talk continued and I tried to say something else. Finally, one of the moms heard me. The other mom, who was right beside me, looked past me and asked the another mom "what did she say?" Now I was not only being ignored but no one could understand me. (Now understand, I do not blame these moms. I would have done the same thing. They probably didn't want to make me feel like I had to talk. They weren't being rude.)
At this point, Sean and I swam to the deep end of the pool and retreated into our own world.
That's when it hit me like a ton of bricks. Is this how Sean feels? I thought about how many times does he feel misunderstood and ignored to the point where he retreats into his own world. How many times do people ask me something they can plainly ask him and make him feel ignored? How often do we sit in complete silence with him because he's quiet. He's got the language. Maybe we're making him feel like he needs to isolate himself.
After Sean and I were done swimming in the deep end, we went to sit in our chairs and eat our apples. As we're sitting there, two of my other neighbors were talking and started talking to me about schools, homeschooling, etc. I could barely get my words out but they sat right there listening. I didn't feel funny about my scratchy voice and I wasn't wondering if they could even understand me. I just kept talking to them to the point where I couldn't even get a scratchy sound out any more and it was back to a pure whisper for the remainder of the day. I didn't care though. I got to have my "talk" and felt included.
We need to be like these last two neighbors with Sean and every other child with autism. We need to show them that we're listening, get down on their level, try hard to communicate and understand them and most importantly we can't ignore them and leave in their silence for any minute of the day.

Talk around the Collins Water Cooler...

2009-06-15T22:04:00.011-04:00

So I know, I've been a little slack. Yeah right? Are you kidding me? Do you have any idea what my day is like? If not, please revert back to all postings in the month of April to get caught up.

Actually the real reason I haven't been blogging is how busy I've been with the boys during the day and then at night, I'm either trying to spend some time with Jeremy or my friends, cleaning, sleeping and once in a while I get to shower.

But, I'm back and have lots of stuff to talk about around the water cooler....

* Let's start out with school: I love Year Round School. I know, I know most of you are celebrating that it's summer time and your kids are out for the summer. Well, check back in with me in about 5 weeks when your kids are driving you nuts and you still have two more months of summer. Me, I love Year Round school. Now, don't get me wrong, I love my kids. I spend every moment with them when they are home. But did I mention I love Year Round school. Here's why....just when I'm ready for Hunter to be home for a couple weeks, he tracks out. Then, when he's bored beyond all measures and is about to drive me nuts, he tracks back into school. You can't beat it. Hunter is anxiously awaiting his last day of Kindergarten. His last day of school is June 30th and then he starts 1st grade at the end of July. So, he'll get about 3 1/2 weeks off. We plan on doing some vacationing during this time so we're really excited! When school kicks back in I'm trying to convince him to ride the school bus. I think he'd make alot more friends, really enjoy it and would be easier on me as well.

Sean's school, on the other hand, is not year round. He goes to a Montessori school and is off for the summer. However, we do have a new therapist that started this week to work with him in our home. We had a rough month with lots of new behaviors, new therapists and more changes in his program. Finally, we're back to noraml. He's happy which means we're happy. Sean doesn't start school again until the end of August. At that time, he'll move up to the next classroom with his new teacher, who is awesome!!

We're so proud of both of the boys for how well they've done this year!

* So on to Sean and new therapists: As I mentioned above, Sean has had a lot of changes in his program, including new therapists. This is always a stressful time for us. We're trying to find the perfect match for him that can bring out the best in him. Sometimes it's trial and error. They may come work with him for a while and we see it doesn't work out. Other times they are with us for years. We just recently hired a new girl to work at home with him and we're in the process of finding a new shadow for him at school for the end of August. (So, if you know of anyone, send them our way please!!!) This past month, Sean has basically only had me as his "therapist". This, after a while, can take a toll on you. Don't get me wrong, I love playing with him and teaching him but as "Mom" you take things personally when they don't go the right way. Not to mention all of the distractions around the house....cleaning, phone, tv, internet, dogs, neighbors, etc...Everything is looking good in this area though. I am happy with the new girl that started this week. I am very hopeful that we'll find someone to shadow Sean at school. I know things will work out like they should.

* Speaking of things working out the way they should, on to Jeremy and his new role at work: This past month, Jeremy got a lot of new responsibilities at work. (A promotion of some sort.) He now is in charge of all the financing at the dealership which he totally deserves. He is such a hard worker, dedicated to his job and is really good at it. This is great news for us in this sucky economy. However, this also brings on more hours for him. (As if he couldn't work enough already.) It's going to be harder for him to take his days off. He has to be at work a little earlier. We're very excited about all of this and he's done a great job at balancing all of it and not taking any more time away from us. We'll still do our summer vacations and on his days off, he's home and he's with us.

* I'm sure you've already done the wrong thing that most women dread doing once a year, the dreaded bathing suit shopping. It's summer time, which means it's time to break out your swim suit. If you're anything like me, you need a new one each year to make yourself feel better. This time of the year always inspires me to exercise. About a month ago when we travelled to Connecticut, we stayed the night at a hotel with an indoor pool. I changed into my bathing suit and looked into the full length unflattering mirror in the room and was horrified at what I saw. Ever since this day, I've been on the eliptical, walking at night with my neighbors, eating right, forbidding sodas...I even cleaned out the "workout room" in our house that for the past two years has been a gigantic closet. Now, I just need to use that "workout room." And let me tell you something, Sean loves the pool. He does great there. So, there's nothing like wearing a bathing suit every day and seeing things jiggle that shouldn't to motivate you to exercise. I do feel better but still jiggling.

* Speaking of the pool: Just thought I'd mention how well the boys are doing swimming. Hunter can swim across the deep end all by himself. Sean is doing the same thing but has added in a new daredevil stunt....he likes to go under water and hold his breath to see how long he can stay under. Watch out David Blaine, there's a new stunt man coming your way!

* So to encourage his interest in doing stunts, we've signed the boys up for horseback riding: Sean started therapeutic horseback riding again about two weeks ago. He has been really facinated with horses and wanting to ride them. (He even tries to ride Baron, our doberman.) So, I thought 'why not let him try it again!' (Rewind three years to the last time we did therapeutic horseback riding and you'll see a three year old screaming his head off while he rode the horse.) We signed him up for lessons at Reins From Above. His first lesson was about two weeks ago and he loved it. Then we decided to let Hunter try it with him. This could be something fun that Sean loves that they can do together. This past Saturday I took them both and it was so worth it. (We had to get up at 7am to leave the house by 8am to get to the place by 9am. Crazy but worth it.) So, for now, we'll continue on with the lessons with both boys.

* And did I tell you about the dare devil black birds???? Our dogs, Callie and Baron, love to be outside. Even in this heat, they love it outside. In our back yard, we have tons of pine trees in a natural area to the back of the yard. Luckily, we've been able to train both dogs to go potty back in the natural area. Works out good for everyone. Well over the past week, we've had tons of black birds living in our trees. Now, the black birds are after Callie and Baron. Here's what happens, I open the door for the dogs to go out. They both stop on the deck and look out towards the trees. Callie takes off running towards the trees to go "potty". Baron slowly makes his way out there. Then, you hear this noise "caw....caaaw....caaaaaaaw" and they start swooping down. Callie just stands there like "what's going on?" and Baron barks at them. Not sure whose going to win but I really don't want the birds "pecking" them. Any ideas?

* Here's another great idea...Vacation Bible School: June marks the start of not only summer but Vacation Bible School. Lots of churches in our area have about 4-5 days of Vacation Bible School. This is when kids come to church for like 3 hours and learn about Jesus, do fun crafts, games, eat, make friends, etc....Hunter loves VBS. In fact, we've signed him up for two of them. One this week and one next week. I started to feel bad about it because it's from 5:30-8:30 for like 5 days after school. So I hardly get to see him. Then I start thinking: hmmmm, he loves going, he's learning about Jesus and it's FREE CHILD CARE! You can't go wrong with VBS. All joking aside, he is learning so much at the one he's going to this week. He comes home every night and tells us about what lesson they studied. It's pretty cool.

So that wraps up our Water Cooler Talk for now. I need to get back to being Sean's "therapist". Here's some pictures....

Our Other Children....

2009-06-01T23:07:00.003-04:00

It's probably about time you've met our other kids.

Meet Baron....

and Callie....

Baron is our big bad doberman who likes to sneak in our bed in the middle of the night and some how manage to take up all of the room in our king size bed.

Calle is our pug/Australian Shephard/beagle/mutt. She likes to follow Baron around. (Remember those cartoons "Hey Spike...you and me's are pals right Spike?" Yes, that's Callie. She was suppose to be my small girlie girl dog. You know, the kind that fits in my purse. Not my girl. She's about 20 pounds over weight, digs holes all over our back yard, puts her paw in her water bowl while she's drinking and oh yeah, did I mention she's 20 pounds overweight and bigger than a Beagle? But she's my girl!

We're lucky to have two of the best dogs ever. They both do great with the boys. They're very nice, fun dogs that the kids just love. At the same time, I feel 100% confident in the protection these two dogs give our home and our family.

Hunter's School Program

2009-05-29T15:19:00.004-04:00

A few weeks ago (I know I've been slack on the blogging), Hunter had a singing program at school. Here's a short clip of the program. He really had fun with this and practiced alot at school and at home. We're very proud of him. Hunter is standing behind the girl in the Tie Die shirt.

What a great way to explain it....

2009-05-17T21:18:00.004-04:00

I stumbled upon this writing by Emily Perl Kingsley today. Thought I'd share....

WELCOME TO HOLLAND
byEmily Perl Kingsley.
c1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reserved

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......
When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."
"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."
But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.
But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

They're at it again...

2009-05-12T22:27:00.003-04:00

The boys are at it again. The "twin thing" is back. They both lost the same exact tooth. How cute are my boys?

Happy Mother's Day Mom!

2009-05-10T15:18:00.004-04:00

My sister and and I have to be the luckiest girls ever. We have the best mom in the world. And I don't use the word "best" lightly.
What would qualify someone as being the best mom ever?

* She's a mom that gives up life as she knows it to stay at home and raise her children.

* She's a mom who sacrifices what she wants in life to be able to buy things that her children want.

* She's a mom that has spent countless unnoticed hours cooking her children's favorite meals.

* She's a mom that doesn't just sit her children in front of the tv all day, she actually plays with them.

* She's the mom of the neighborhood that allows all of the children to come to her home so that she can keep a close eye on her own children.
* She's a mom that has spent hours awake at night, helping her sick children feel better.
* She's a mom that watched her children grow up, helped them through the tough times and celebrated with them through the good times.
* She's a mom that even though her children are all grown, she still puts their wants and needs before her own.
* She's a mom that stayed with her children for weeks after weeks after they each brought home their newborn babies. She'd cook, clean, do laundry and then hold the babies so that her children could rest.

Being a mom can be hard yet very rewarding. Sometimes, you spend too much time looking at how hard it is, that you miss out on the fun. Lucky for me, I've got the best mom in the world as an example. God gave me the best person to be my mom and to show me how to not only raise my own children but how to really enjoy them.

You know you have the best mom when you want to be just like her. I love it when people tell me I look like my mom. I love it when I catch myself doing things like my mom because you know, you just can't beat my mom.

So today on Mother's Day, I know Tanya wants to join me in thanking you for giving us the perfect example of how to be a good mom. Thank you for giving us a good childhood, one with fun memories and great times. Thank you for everything you still do for us this day!

We love you!

We're still here...

2009-05-05T21:57:00.002-04:00

Just wanted to post a quick note to let you know that we're still here...just alot going on in our home right now. Taking a short break from blogging to get Sean's program in order at home. I'll be back in a couple days! Thanks for checking in!

Autism Awareness Month coming to a close

2009-04-30T20:38:00.004-04:00

Today is the last day of Autism Awareness Month. Starting tomorrow, I'll go back to writing in my blog most likely two times a week or so. But that doesn't mean autism stops in our home. Like one of my friend's says, it's Autism Awareness in our house every day.
So what else do I really want you to know about Sean and autism? Sean is a little boy just like any other child. He loves to play baseball. He loves to swing. He loves to play games. He wants to play with the other kids. He loves to sing songs. He loves tv. He loves his brother. And oh yeah, he loves Jesus. Check out the video below and you'll see....

Ode to the Candles

2009-04-29T20:33:00.005-04:00

I love candles. Especially Yankee candles. The way they immediately make your house smell like fresh baked cookies, lilac flowers, fresh linens, white cotton or even one of your favorite fruits...ahhh it's just wonderful. Can't you just smell it now? It just puts me in a different mood. Isn't funny how smells can do that for you?

But no Mr. Candle, you are a BIG no-no in our house.

Unfortunately, I can't have a candle lit in my house until after the kids are in bed. Sean has a HUGE obsession with candles. So obsessed that when we are visiting friends, families and neighbors' homes, I don't ask if they have a dog or even any weapons around. The first thing I ask while I'm holding on to Sean for dear life is "do you have any candles lit?" His obsession is so strong that when we're at the mall, we have to stay away from the Yankee Candle side. (The sacrifrices us moms have to make.) It's a pretty big safety concern for us. One time he found a Yankee candle of mine and had a battery in his other hand. I said "what are you doing Sean?" He said "lighting the candle." With a battery? He thought it was a lighter! (I will mention as a side note here that all matches and lighters are out of his reach.)

At the Montessori school that Sean attends, he's been visiting the older classroom that he's going to be moving up to in the fall. And guess what they have in their room? Yep, a candle. The teacher has said she'd keep the candle off. However, that's just one more thing they have to change to have Sean in their room. Our goal is to make it as easy as possible for the teachers as they are trying to learn more about Sean and how to teach him. So we agreed that for the time being we would work on this at home and keep the candle unlit at school for safety reasons until he's mastered this at home.

Guess what tonight was? Candle night. One of Sean's therapist, Katie, was here to work with Sean on various goals. We decided that tonight we would work on keeping the candle lit. You have to understand that his obsession isn't looking at the candle, it's blowing it out. (Click here to see this video and you'll see why.) Therefore, we have to light the candle when he's not looking. Place it up high somewhere just in case he gets to it before we do so he can't blow it out. (Each time he blows out the candle it makes his obsession with it that much stronger. What we're trying to do is get him use to being in the room with a candle in it and have him get past the point of needing to blow it out. I know it sounds like we're taunting him with it but if we don't help him get past this, it will become a major safety issue.) When it's time to blow out the candle, he can't see if being blown out either because it will also strenghten his obsession.

Back to tonight....Katie and Sean were outside. I lit the candle. Katie brought Sean inside to play. He walked to the kitchen and that's when he spotted that great smelling candle on top of the fridge. His eyes lit up. He smiled. He asked for the candle. He asked to blow the candle. We told him he couldn't blow the candle but he could have some chocolate. He even passed up chocolate. He watched our every move. Plotting his escape to the candle. I went outside to throw something in the recycling bin (yes, we're still at it!) and that's when I heard the footsteps. I turned the corner and there was Sean on top of the counter. He managed to sneak away from Katie when she wasn't looking for like one second and get that candle. He blew it out. Back to square one. Katie felt awful. It totally was NOT Katie's fault. He's quick. I told her he's good. He tricked her and went for the candle. (Now, obviously this is a very strong obsession of his...don't forget he has a broken foot with a cast on it and he still managed to climb the counter in top speed.)

Needless to say, Katie spent much of the evening helping him through his behaviors wanting to blow out the candle. I spent much of the evening listening to how mad my son was at us while I stood guard over the candle. We will have to do this again tomorrow. It will definitely need to be during a time when two adults are here. I really think that eventually he'll get it and he'll be ok without blowing out that candle. To you, it may not seem like that big of a deal. If we don't work on this, it will just make his obsession that much stronger which could lead to other obsessions. That's how it usually works. (Obviously, I don't want my son to become one of those people who are obsessed with fire and accidentally starts an out of control forest fire.)

So Mr. Candle, the good news is that I can see you more often. Right now, I'm opting for your Peach & Sweet Berries scent. The bad news is I may be a little pre-occupied to enjoy you. It's going to be a lot of hard work for Sean to get use to having you around again. But I know he can do it. He's conquered bigger things!

8 years ago today....

2009-04-28T22:43:00.002-04:00

8 years ago today, I had one of the biggest days of my life.

8 years ago today, I had so many hopes and dreams for the future of my family.

8 years ago today, I married the man I love most in this world.

Today, I want to use this post to thank you Jeremy. Thank you for being the best husband in the world. 8 years ago today, you made me the happiest girl ever. I loved that day. We had so much fun. We had a blast on our honeymoon in Aruba. 8 years ago today, started the best years of my life.

However, 8 years ago today, we didn't know what life had in store for us. Back then, the tought of having twins, nonetheless one with autism, would have never even crossed our minds. We didn't know the financial ups and downs we would have. The trials of raising kids yet keeping a happy marriage. We've had our good days and bad days.

But you did it. You rose to the challenge. You became the husband that I needed. The daddy that the boys needed. The support system that Sean needed. I thank you for that. I couldn't have picked a better person to share my life with. I'm so fortunate to have you next to me as we raise our boys.

Autism is a very hard thing to journey through. You give us so much support, love and hope that makes it that much easier. I am very blessed to have you as my husband and the boys are so fortunate to have you as their dad.

So thank you for all your hard work to provide for us, thank you for giving me the opportunity to stay at home with the kids and truly watch them grow, thank you for admitting when you are wrong and thank you for lifting me up on the days that I need it the most!

This is why your mom always told you to not run down the slide....

2009-04-27T20:09:00.004-04:00

The good news is Sean is really enjoying his new cast. (We had the option of getting a hard cast or the soft cast. I opted for the soft.)

Exhaustion

2009-04-26T20:28:00.003-04:00

So I believe it's finally setting in for me...exhaustion. We've had quite a dramatic week and now weekend.

Update on Sean's foot....we took him to an Urgent Care center this morning to get some Xrays done. The doctor there believes he has broken his foot but she's not 100% certain. In one Xray she can see a clear crack but in another Xray it's not as clear. So, to make our journey that much more fun, we're off to see an Orthopaedic doctor, hopefully tomorrow. If it is broken, he'll have to wear a cast. Good news is that if he wears a cast, I don't have to carry around a 50 pound child for the next week on my back with my broken toe. (Yes, I'm looking for some pity. Feel free to come spend the next week with me.) With a cast, Sean will be able to walk around. Bad news is I don't know how Sean is going to react to something being on his leg that he can't take off. I'm hoping I can bribe him with some shiny new markers that he can draw his favorite pictures on. We're still jumping ahead of ourselves here. We don't know 100% that it's broken. Hopefully we'll know more tomorrow.

Funny thing happened at the doctors this morning, the nurse called us back to our room. As soon as we sat down he looked at Sean and said "Hi Sean!" and smiled at him. Sean immediately looked at him and said "Jesus loves me." He was saying it like "look dude, Jesus loves me so don't do anything to hurt me." It was so funny. The nurse just started smiling and said "That's right, Jesus does love you!" It was pretty cool.

Our friends, Beth and El, came from Greenville to visit today with Reed and their new baby Elliott. We had a great visit. (I'll post pictures when I get my computer up and running. I'm still using Jeremy's.) As bad as this sounds, this was actually one of the easiest visits we've had in a while because I wasn't constantly worrying "where's Sean?" "did he get outside?" "what is he eating?" "is someone playing with him?" He was by my side for most of the visit because his foot hurt. It made me realize how much time I spend hovering over him ready to protect him in a heartbeat. (Obviously, hovering doesn't work all of the time because I was hovering on Saturday when he hurt his foot.)

So yes, total exhaustion is setting in and the week is actually just getting ready to start over. There's so much more that I'd love to share tonight but seroiusly, I'm done. Goodnight!

Busy busy day....

2009-04-25T20:20:00.007-04:00

Today was a busy hot day. (Raleigh's temperature reached the low 90's.)

Sean had a baseball game today. He really wasn't into it that much as he usually is. In fact, all he wanted to do was lay down or have his "buddy" carry him everywhere. It was hard for me to sit in the stands and just watch him do this because I know he usually likes it. His "buddy" was great, Sean just wasn't into it today. He's still having a rough week.

Then it was time for Hunter's end of the season soccer game. Once again, Hunter designated himself "Goalie" and tried his hardest to block the goals. I don't know what was funnier, all of the girls on the team hugging after a goal is scored or Hunter picking up rocks during the game and putting them in his pockets. Now I know where the rocks in my dryer came from.

Our day couldn't be complete without another injury. Sean fell down pretty hard and hurt his foot. At first, he was just kind of limping around. Now, he won't walk on it at all. He's not crying but it hurts. I don't think it's broken however, I'm certain we'll be visiting Urgent Care in the morning. For the rest of the evening, Sean's just layed around. He wouldn't walk anywhere so Hunter, being the awesome brother that he is, brought all of Sean's favorite things to him. Then he decided he was going to teach him how to read some hard words. I was in the kitchen and hear this....

Hunter: Ok Sean. Now we're going to learn how to read some really big words. Do you want to learn them?

Sean is completely ignoring Hunter and watching tv.

Hunter: Ok Sean. What is this word?

Hunter holds up the word "book".

Sean is still ignoring Hunter.

Hunter: It's ok Sean. Take your time. (Then he pauses and I hear him whisper the folowing...) It's ok. I know you're saying it in your brain. (At this point, Hunter sticks his ear onto Sean's head to listen to his brain.)

Hunter: Hey Mommy, do you know that Sean and I can talk through our brains?

Now, I've heard all about that "twin connection" and the amazing ways twins communicate. Sure, it could be Hunter's imagination running wild. But, you know what I did don't you...

Mommy: So Hunter, ask Sean where his foot hurts?

Hunter: That's easy mom, it's his ankle not his foot.

Ok, so if we end up taking him to the doctors tomorrow and it's his ankle, you know that Hunter, Sean and I will be sitting down for a looonnngggg time tomorrow....

Slumber party night

2009-04-24T20:52:00.002-04:00

It's Friday night again....slumber party night. Too much going on for me to type and share. The boys love slumber party night.
Tonight, I'd like to share with you a glimpse into the Bible study that myself and two other moms with children with autism started for moms who have children on the spectrum. We launched this site at the beginning of this month.

Spectrum Spirit

Have a good night!!

It was a doozy....

2009-04-23T20:09:00.002-04:00

Remember my post yesterday about the positives in autism? I think I need to read this post every day. Especially when Sean throws a fit. Tonight's fit was not just any fit, it was a doozy. It was by far one of the biggest fits he's ever thrown. Sean doesn't have that many behaviors. He's a pretty compliant kid. However, when he does it sucks the life out of me. Usually he has his behaviors when he can't figure out what he needs to say in that situation instead of crying. (Just a side note, he's still so mad at me right now that he's kicking the walls, non-stop. Ahhh yes, autism.) Here's what happened tonight....we were having dinner at Nana and Pappy's. When I said it was time to leave, he wasn't done watching Elmo so he started crying. I proceeded to turn off the tv. Not only did he throw himself down on the ground, he did not one but two summersalts all around the room trying to crash into something to prove his point. My mom says "do you want to take the Elmo DVD home?" I said no way. Not after this. He totally understood and took his fit to the next level. He took off running to the back of the house with his fake cry. Whether you have a child with autism or not, you've heard these fake cries. Now multiply the volume by 10. Add in a child not feeling well coughing as he's screaming. Throwing himself down. Then he decides he's going to become the wettest noodle on the face of this planet. He would not pick up one single part of his body off the floor. Honestly, at that moment, zero patience on my part. Thank God my parents live so close. Finally, he decides to walk to the car, on his knees I might add. I totally ignore it and not even make eye contact. He gets in the car. Sorry, I mean he throws himself in the car to the back of our SUV. Now I don't know if you remember playing pinball as a child. You know, the big arcade games where you hit a ball around a machine for points...remember? Well, that's what my son looked like in the back seat of my SUV. (Thank God again...for third row seating. Hunter was in the middle row and my pinball boy was in the back seat.) He was throwing and flailing himself all around the back seat. MAD. Boy was he mad. I told him if he didn't settle down he couldn't listen to Mozart at bedtime. No reaction. (This usually works.) He kept bouncing around the back seat. Finally, I've had it. I slam on the brakes, pull over, turn around, point my finger at him and say "That's it Sean. Stop this right now. This is not ok. You need to sit quietly and listen to Mommy." Sean has this look about him that says "oops, I've gone a little too far." He looks at me with those deer in the headlights look and says "Sorry." Then he stopped. I was like great! It worked. And did he really just tell me sorry?
Then we got home. Bedtime. He asked to listen to Mozart. I told him he couldn't listen to Mozart because he was not listening to Mommy at Nana's house. (I had to follow through at this point because children with autism know and understand so much more than you think.) He did his fake cry, threw himself on the bed and then he looked at me and said to me in a very stern voice "Stop crying!" I just ignored it because I knew at that moment he was trying to get my attention. In fact, since I started writing this the kicking of the walls have stopped, the crying is done. Now, I know that the behavior did not start to get my attention. It started because Sean didn't know how to verbally tell me what he wanted. Most kids would have at that time said "I dont' want to go home yet. Come on Mom. Let me finish this and then we'll go home. PLEEEEAAASE!!!!" But all Sean could think was "crap, she's going to turn this tv off and make me leave." That's where his focus was at that moment. I do believe all of the "pinball" effects were for my attention and to get a reaction out of me.
The funny thing is, other than this particular episode, he's had a wonderful day. Lots of talking, playing and our connection was wonderful. He has been doing more scripting, some stimming and things he use to do a long time ago. But, I think it's because he's still not feeling well. Which could also be a reason why his behavior tonight was such a doozy! Meanwhile, I look around my house and see utter chaos. Toys everywhere. Dishes in the sink. Laundry on the floor. Somehow at 8:40 at night, I've got to scrape up enough energy to do this. Ah wait...I completely forgot, my toe....it's broken!

I love Jim Carrey...

2009-04-23T10:32:00.002-04:00

I just love Jim Carrey. I'm a big fan. Have always loved his movies. In fact, last weekend Jeremy and I watched Yes Man! and loved it.
As many of you know, Jim Carrey has a front row seat in life with autism. His girlfriend, Jenny McCarthy, has a son who was diagnosed with autism and is recovering from autism. They are one of autism's biggest advocates. Especially when dealing with the vaccinations.
Here's an article that Jim Carrey wrote himself. It's amazing how much more I understand from reading his article. You can tell autism is something that Jim is very passionate about. Especially with finding a cure.
Read the article. You'll learn so much more.

Jim's Carrey's article

Update on the positives of autism

2009-04-22T21:49:00.002-04:00

Ok, so I was just reading my blog for spelling errors. (Yes, I always publish before I proof read.) Anyways, I realized I forgot one major thing. It pertains to me asking "would I change Sean getting autism?" I want to make sure that I make my point in this. I would have loved for Sean to never have gotten autism. I wished he would never have to go through this. And, I am doing everything in my power to help recover him.
However, I can not doubt why God has us here. There's a reason for it. I can't see it now but one day I will.

The "Positives" in autism

2009-04-22T19:36:00.004-04:00

I know some of you may think I'm nuts. I've done it, I've completely lost my mind. How can you find positives in autism. As a mom of a child with autism, I can show you the heartache, I can show you the fear, the pain and the worry. But I can also show you the hope, the appreciation and love like you've never seen it. As strange as this may sound to you, I am a better mom...actually I take that back, I'm a better person because of Sean having autism. Here's why....

* I appreciate so much more than you can imagine. The words that both my kids speak on a daily basis. Each time my children tell me they love me. When I look at Sean, he makes eye contact with me, smiles and we're totally connected. When Sean reads words. When Sean does imaginary play. The sentences that Sean speaks and how much more fluently his language is coming. The fact that Sean just learned how to swallow a pill, making supplement-taking that much easier. Most importantly, watching Sean and Hunter connect, play and at times even when they fight. I appreciate every ounce of it.

* My marriage. My marriage is so much more stronger now. It has been tried and tested and has passed with flying colors. Over the past three years, we've learned to communicate our thoughts, fears and hopes with each other. We've been there for each other when one of us has an extremely hard day to help pick that person up. Jeremy and I try so hard to be there for each other but at the same time giving each other the space that we may need. We both have our stressful days and sometimes we need each other and sometimes I need him to go to the Man Cave. We've grown so much together and autism has really helped strengthen our marriage. That doesn't mean we're perfect. Jeremy and I both love to prove our points. (By the way, we'll be married eight years next week!)

* My family. I've gotten so much closer with my parents, Jeremy's parents and my sister through all of this. My parents are with us just about every day. They experience the good and the rough days. They're always there to help me up when I need it. Jeremy's parents are constantly on the phone checking on things...do we need anything, how are the boys, how is Sean's progress. My sister and I have gotten closer. Growing up we were the best of friends. Then grew apart during high school and college. Once we both started our families we've gotten closer again. I feel like she's one of my best friends that I can count on. I can share my deepest fears and hopes with autism and know she's right there. When we get together we have a great time with all of the kids. And you know what's really cool? She's the one reading this blog every day to learn more about autism, Sean and what we go through. One time she called me at 8pm wondering why I hadn't posted yet. Another time, she emailed me late one night to tell me I forgot to post something. She has shown me how dedicated she is to helping us and really truly knowing Sean. I love you Tanya! (Again, autism opened the door for this.)

* How I see others...Let me ask you a question and be honest with yourself...how many times have you avoided some one that has a special need for fear of the unknown? Whether it's down syndrome, autism, or even a physical special need, how many times have you avoided them? I can tell you I use to do that. There has been times I've avoided the guy who bags my groceries because something was different. Or the time I was at the library and a person in a wheelchair who was missing an arm and I looked the other way. How about a person who is blind? A person who is deaf? What about that mom pushing her little girl in a wheelchair? If it's unknown to you, it's overwhelming. You don't know what to say. What are they going to say? But then one day when I was at the grocery store ignoring the guy who bags my groceries it's like God was yelling at me saying "How would you feel if this was Sean and someone igored him?" I was so ashamed of myself. I realized I was making someone else feel the same way I feared someone might make Sean feel one day. Since that day, I talk to the guys at the grocery store...sometimes it's about the weather, American Idol or the beach. If I meet someone who has a physical special need, I always try to respect them as a person and smile at them and say hi. Most importantly, the moms of children with special needs, I don't shy away from learning more about their child. These children are not just labels. They have personalities, hopes, dreams and really can teach you a thing or two about life. I've also grown to dislike three commonly used words....disabled, handicapped and autistic. I feel like these words really should not be apart of our every day language. I feel like these three words set a limit on people and they should not. These children are not "autistic children". Autism does NOT define who they are. They are children who have autism. Sean is so much more than a child with autism.

* Most importantly, my relationship with God. I've never been so close to God. Reaching out for Him. Wanting to know more about what He needs me to do. Not because I have to but because I want to. Realizing that this is just such a small bump in the road to our bigger journey. Autism brought me to my knees, literally.

As a Christian, I need to remember to always find the good in each moment. The good in each "rough" day. Myself and two other moms who have children with autism, recently started an online bible study for moms who have children with autism. It's called Spectrum Spirit. (We started this because of our hectic schedules always holding us back from attending studies locally.) In this week's lesson, we're learning about reaching out for God and realizing He's with you in the darkness. It's funny 'cause once you realize He's with you, it's not so dark anymore. Once you are turning to Him, you can find all of the positives in an overwhelming situation. Going back to the comment I made earlier about being a better person because Sean has autism, you may ask "would you change Sean ever getting autism if you had the chance?" As a mom I say yes. I'd change it in a heartbeat. But as a Christian and a believer that God's Will is being done in my life, I know that He's got a reason for everything. I have total faith in Him with this. Whatever it may be.

So, what's the positives in me breaking my toe you may wonder? It's my excuse for the week to not do housework, prop my feet up on the couch, eat bon bons, watch Soap Operas, sleep all day and do absolutely nothing. Yeah right!!! I wish!

Wouldn't you know it....

2009-04-21T14:08:00.003-04:00

after a week full of broken computers, missing wallets, Sean battling viruses left and right, you would think that would be enough. But oh no, we just needed one more. So, I went and broke my big toe. Yes, my big toe. (I felt so silly getting an X ray on my toe.) Needless to say, life has just gotten that much more chaotic in the Collins' house. Therefore my blog today will be a link. But not just any link. One of my good friends, Chrissy, wrote this in her blog today. She is also a mom of a child who has autism. It's a personal in depth look at her day. Please take the time to read this. A lot of what she wrote, we go through as well. (And no Chrissy, you're not whining!)

Spetrum Hope...Burning Out

There's that window again....

2009-04-20T21:00:00.001-04:00

As moms with children who have autism, the one thing most of us wonder is if the "window of opportunity" has closed for our child. The window that helps our children recover from autism. Many people will say that you have until they are 5. I can tell you right now, that this window closing is a lie. We have seen more improvements in Sean in the past six months than we have since his diagnosis when he was 3.

Here's an article that I read today on that wonderful "window". It's a great article!

Does the "window" ever close?

Watch out American Idol...

2009-04-20T08:43:00.004-04:00

Hunter loves to sing and decided he wanted to sing for me this morning. Of course I couldn't find my video camera quick enough so I used my phone. The picture quality isn't good but wait until you hear him sing. The first video is him singing the ABC's. The second video is Hunter singing a song he made up yesterday. (Callie also makes an appearance in Hunter's video.) It's too cute!

I'll post more later about our day today! Have a great day!!!

Time to put on your big girl panties

2009-04-19T18:23:00.007-04:00

Friday night, Sean had some pretty big behaviors with me. So big that I didn't even want to write, much less think about them, until now. Long story short, he was very defiant. The look in his eyes told me that he wasn't going to listen no matter what. My strong will natured was like "yes you will listen." Needless to say, Sean won.

All day Saturday, I was really upset because I couldn't figure out what in the world would have triggered such a behavior. He is usually a very compliant child. Then I remembered the last time I saw this was at my sister's house about a month and half ago. (Click here to read the entry.) So I stopped, checked his forehead and sure enough a fever. Alot of mom's who have children with autism say their child does better when they are sick or have a fever. Sean does worse. He has a really weak immune system and catches anything and everything. When his body is fighting off a virus we see a rise in scripting, eye gazing, drawing, wanting to be alone and being very defiant. As soon as he starts feeling better, all of these behaviors are basically gone with the exception of some scripting. I know what you're thinking, "well I know how I feel when I'm not feeling well. I don't blame him for wanting to be alone and doing things to make himself feel better." But I believe there's more to it. What is causing him to constantly be fighting off viruses? Why is he more prone to get sick than Hunter? Are we missing something in regards to his immune system that may be effecting him on a daily basis?

Because there is no known proven cause for autism, I believe that each child with autism has alot of under lying issues that are not as noticeable. I believe that some children do have toxicity from the environment (things like pesticides, chemicals, and there's no telling what else). I believe that some children have been poisoned by all of the shots that they've gotten as babies. I'm talking about mercury and aluminum in these shots and God knows what else. (The boys use to get 6 shots in one day. Add a weakened immune system on top of that.) Some of these children have immunology problems including things where their bodies go hay wire if they come in contact with strep, things like not being able to fight off live viruses that are in the shots so they actually stay in their bodies. It's crazy. Do I think that genetics plays a part? Yes. Do I think the shots may cause autism? Yes. For Sean, I think his immune system is playing a big part in his. Whether his weakened immune system couldn't fight off the shots like Hunter's could...I don't know. I just don't know. BUT...I think soon, very soon, they (do you know who "THEY" are? It's whoever the public and the CDC trusts.) will find that each child with autism has many different underlying conditions. They will then treat each underlying condition and each child will start feeling better. The funny thing is, there are already doctors who believe this. They are called DAN doctors. (DAN stands for Defeat Autism Now.) However, the American Academy of Pediatrics does not agree with them.

So, my question for you American Academy of Pediatrics, if it's not the shots, if it's not the environment but you can't find an autism gene, what exactly is it? Why does my son have autism? Personally, I can't answer that. I have no idea when or how Sean developed autism. All I know was he was very social up until about 1 1/2 years old. Then he got a little quieter. Then his babbling stopped. He never truly developed the ritual (lining up objects, behaviors, stimming, etc.) until he was like 4. (Luckily, with the help of verbal behavior, we've been able to move past these.) What is causing this? There has got to be an answer. And unfortunately until we all (doctors, parents, teachers, community) can put our pride aside, put on our big-girl panties and realize that the "other" people could be right, we will never get close to finding a cure. Isn't that what we all want? A cure. Who cares who's right? Let's all get on the same team and help our children.

Update on yesterdays' blog entry...

2009-04-19T09:54:00.002-04:00

Just wanted to pass on to you all that this week's jealous behaviors from Hunter is totally out of character. He is usually not this jeaous. Hunter is a great brother who does everything he can to be Sean's best friend. Usually, he does not get jealous.
I just wanted to point this out to those of you who may not know Hunter that well.

The case of the broken laptop and the missing wallet

2009-04-18T23:59:00.000-04:00

I know for the past 18 days I've been writing alot about Sean and autism. Tonight's post has more to do with Hunter then anything else. Which in turn, has to do with autism and things he does when he gets jealous.

The case of the broken laptop....
Last night, Sean had a HUGE behavior...wouldn't eat, wouldn't sit at the table, very defiant. During this time, I was very focused on Sean trying to "ignore" the behavior, be there for him so he wouldn't get hurt and help him follow through. Hunter in turn got jealous. So what did Hunter do? He decided to go for the one thing that he felt meant a lot to me....my computer. After I was done helping Sean, I saw my computer on the floor. I picked it up and tried to turn it on. Some how...not quite sure how, Hunter managed to erase either my hard drive or my window Vista. Not sure which one yet, but right now I'm typing this on Jeremy's computer and my computer is dead. I asked him why he did this and he said "because you were too busy to play with me and you were too busy talking to Aunt Beth." Hello????? Did he not read yesterdays post about it being all about Hunter?

The case of the lost wallet....
The night continues...the boys are in bed....Jeremy and I watch Dateline. I go to bed and pick up my purse to move it and notice how light it feels. I look inside, my wallet is missing. I freak out. Jeremy and I spend the next hour and half tearing my house apart looking for my wallet. We come to the conclusion I've either lost it or someone stole it. I go to bed and toss and turn for the next two hours. In the middle of the night, I hear footsteps coming to my room. It's Hunter. He's had a nightmare and wants to sleep with me. (Jeremy fell asleep playing Xbox in the "Man Cave.") When he climbs in bed I remember what happened to my computer so I say "Hunter, do you know where my wallet is?" Not expecting what he's going to say next, I brace myself..."Yes Mommy. It's in the dollhouse. I hid it from the thieves that could come at night." In the morning, Hunter explained to Jeremy the real reason he moved my wallet...."Daddy, I had to punish her for not playing with me?" Hello????? Did he not read the post from yesterday?

Obviously, being a brother, especially a twin brother, of a child with autism is difficult. I am very thankful and very blessed to have Hunter as Sean's twin brother to really explain to us how he's feeling as well as how Sean may be feeling as well. However, I did explain to Hunter that like we tell Sean, "next time, use your words when you're trying to tell us something."

Sometimes..

2009-04-17T21:14:00.003-04:00

Sometimes, Hunter takes the back seat.

Sometimes, Hunter has to do more things than most brothers do.

Sometimes, Hunter has to take on more than maybe he should.

Sometimes, we have to take time and spend it with just Hunter.

Most people probably don't think about what Hunter goes through. Sure it's not as tough as what Sean has to deal with but he's still going through things having a brother who has autism. Luckily, Hunter is very open and honest with his feelings and we can try to understand where he's coming from right away. He loves his brother. But, like most kids, sometimes he just wants to spend time with me alone.

Today was one of those mornings. After we dropped off Sean at school, we spent the entire morning together just me and Hunter. (He's tracked out of school until next week.) We had breakfast at McDonalds. Then we went to Lake Benson and played. Hunter rode his bike, played on the slides and the swings, went on a nature hike....we just had a great time hanging out just the two of us.

Here are some pictures of our morning.

He had so much fun that he wanted to take Sean back to the park after we picked him up. He said he wanted his brother to have as much fun as he did.

Winding down the chaos

2009-04-16T21:29:00.002-04:00

Drew and Avery leave for Connecticut in the morning. We'll miss them a lot. I'm really exhausted today so I leave you with this link to the slideshow I made for Sean last year during Autism Awareness month. Hope you like it! Be sure to turn the music up...

Sean's slideshow

I wish....

2009-04-15T20:47:00.007-04:00

Today Jeremy took the day off of work and we brought Drew, Sean and Hunter to a park over in Cary. After playing for a while on the playground, we decided to go for a walk on a hiking trail. Drew, Hunter and I raced ahead to see who could get to the bridge first. Then we decided to look through a patch of clovers to wait for Jeremy and Sean to catch up. Guess what we found? Not one, not two, not even four but eight, yes eight four leaf clovers. I couldn't believe it. There were so many of them. The boys wanted to pick them all but I told them we had to leave some for others too. Drew said we had to make a wish. He said he'd wish that he'd catch the other lizard at Nana's house. Hunter wished that him and Drew would always get along. (They fought alot during this visit.) So, I decided to be a kid again. What would I wish for? At that very moment of the day, what would I wish for? At that very moment as we sat on the trail in the park waiting for Jeremy and Sean to catch up, I wished that Sean would play like all of the other children on the playground. I wished that when Drew and Hunter ran around the playground playing chase with Jeremy that Sean would want to join in instead of swinging on the swings or sliding. I wished that Sean would get in a fight with Drew and Hunter. How I would love to hear them argue! I wished that I could sit back on the park bench like all of the other moms and watch from a distance as I chatted with other moms about how tired we are from doing laundry. I wished that someone would find a cure for autism so that my son didn't have to battle so much every day of his life. That's what I wished for.

We did have a great time in the park. Sean really liked the tire swing and the hike on the trail. Drew and Hunter loved playing chase with Jeremy. Here are some pictures from today!

To all the moms at Monkey Joe's today....

2009-04-14T21:17:00.004-04:00

I'm writing this post to all the mom's who may have been at Monkey Joe's in Cary today....

I was the mom with her six year son who kept throwing fits and getting mad at her. I was the mom who was constantly chasing after her son to actually watch him to make sure he didn't knock any kids down, take any drinks that weren't his and slid down the slides the right way. (Yes, I would have loved to have sat in those big comfy black chairs with the back massager on but instead I was probably watching your child as well.) I was the mom who was running behind her son trying to stop him from pulling his pants down before he got to the bathroom. I was the mom yelling at her sister, who was watching after Hunter and Drew, to catch Sean because he was running away from her. (That was so funny to see Drew chase Sean and then Tanya chase Drew. It was hilarious. Worth the entire trip to Monkey Joes.) Yes, I was the mom that you were all staring at making it that much harder for her to be there for her son. To make him feel comfortable in a very overwhelming situation. To help him have fun in one of his most favorite places. To help him make a new friend.

I find it a lot easier for me to be the mom that Sean needs for me to be when I'm around people who understand and "get it." Unfortunately, I feel like our community makes it that much harder. The stares....the questioning eyes....the smiles to try to make it seem like it's ok. I've gotten use to them but I'm now trying to stop myself from giving everyone the evil eye back.

So, if you were one of the moms at Monkey Joe's today that got the evil eye from me....I apologize. Even though you may have started it, I will be the first to say I'm sorry.

Autism by Drew Carroll (Sean's almost 9 year old cousin)

2009-04-13T20:40:00.004-04:00

Sean and Hunter's big cousin Drew is visiting from Connecticut for a week. The boys are really happy to have him here as well as Avery. Drew has always been one of Sean's favorite kids. Him and Drew have a really special connection. He's a great kid and we always love to see him.

I asked Drew today if he'd like to write in the blog tonight. He wasn't too sure what to say so he'd wanted to do it like an interview. These are word for word answers from Drew. Brace yourself. So here we go....

Nicole: What do you think it means to have autism?

Drew: It means like, it's like a kid that, um well I always say to my friends I have a cousin that has autism. Then I ask them do you know what autism is? Some times they say they do. If they say no, I tell them "it's like kids who aren't like you. They don't like start out as smart as you and they have to have like special classes and special teachers." um, like Sean has special teachers and special classes. But Sean is smart. Oh, and they don't know how to play and they are too shy to say "Hi, my name is Drew. Do you want to be my friend?" But we're teaching him.

Nicole: What makes you happy about Sean?

Drew: What makes me happy about Sean is that um, he gets smarter and smarter every day and that sometimes when you call me I like it when you tell me that he says "Drew where are you?" It makes me happy that he gets excited to see me.

Nicole: What do you wish?

Drew: I wish they had a cure for autism. It just makes me sad to see people have autism. Why can't they be like everyone else?

Nicole: What makes you mad?

Drew: It makes me mad when you always have to yell at him to not do things. Remember when we went to the store and he grabbed an apple to eat it and you had to yell at him to not do it. Also, it makes me mad when I can't eat the stuff that I want in front of Sean.

Nicole: Any thing else you'd like to say about Sean or autism?

Drew: Um, I'm so proud of Sean because he always listens and usually never does stuff wrong when we're at the house.

So, after this interview with Drew, I am now able to see where we can help him learn more about Sean, more about autism and how he can help. What impressed me the most about Drew tonight was his heart. He was so scared to answer the questions at first because he didn't want to hurt my feelings. I told him there was no right or wrong answer, it's just how he feels. I wanted him to be as honest as he could be. I told him it would help me to know how he sees everything so that I can teach more kids about autism and about Sean. I'm so proud of Drew and how he was able to open up tonight! Good job Drew!

Happy Easter

2009-04-12T18:45:00.003-04:00

Happy Easter!
We hope you're having a great Easter.
You know nothing beats spending Easter day with your family playing ball outside, having an Easter egg hunt, having a wonderful Easter dinner and being thankful for all that God has given to you. That is until your son, who just so happens to have autism, looks at you after taking his first bite of the ham and says "it's delicious!" Not a script. Not a mumble. It was him actually looking at me to tell me how much he liked it. You should have seen the look in his eyes. It was like he knew what he'd just done and how proud I was.
Sean has had a really good day. He's really done great using his language. At one point today he also called me from another room and said "Mommy, I want Hunter to move." (Usually when he wants Hunter to move or stop doing something he'll just scream HUNTER at the top of his lungs. But not today.)
I hope you are having a good Easter as well!
My friend Jennifer wrote a really good post today where she briefly talks about the hope of Easter. Click here to read her short post and then follow the links to learn more!
Happy Easter!!!

Time to color the eggs

2009-04-11T21:37:00.003-04:00

Here are some pictures of the kids coloring their Easter eggs. Everyone enjoyed it. The one that surprised me the most is Sean. This is the first year that he's really enjoyed it. He was very excited. Painted a lot of eggs. He really enjoyed it. This is the first year that I felt like he actually "got it", understood we were doing this for Easter and wanted to color the eggs with Drew, Hunter and Avery. Drew and Hunter had a great time. They used stickers and dye to color their eggs.

Avery, she painted an egg. Then she painted her paper plate. Then she painted the plastic cups. She did have fun!

Sean is doing pretty good with everyone in town. He's getting a little overwhelmed here and there so I let him take some "breaks". "Breaks" are either time on the V-Smile video game, home where he plays with either just me or just Drew or coloring. Something that helps him "deal" with all of the chaos. You know, I think I might start taking these "breaks" too. My "breaks" would consist of an hour full body massage at a spa, a no-limit shopping spree where I spend the money on me and no one else, a long walk on the beach at sunset, an hour for me to curl up on my back porch with a good book, a girls getaway to the mountains or the beach, oh sorry....I was getting carried away huh? It's funny 'cause we all need these breaks. Time away from the chaos. Sean's just smart enough to take them.

Slumber party

2009-04-10T20:36:00.003-04:00

It's Friday night, which means one thing in the Collins' house....Slumber party!

Every Friday night, we grab the futon mattress, blankets, pillows, stuffed animals, popcorn and drinks and head for the living floor. We rent a good movie from the Redbox and stay up late watching movies. Sean usually falls asleep first. Then me. Then Hunter. Daddy usually gets home right before Hunter falls asleep.

Tonight, Drew is joining our slumber party. We've rented Bedtime Stories.

So, instead of writing alot tonight, I'm going to head back to the slumber party and give you this link to the Slide Show I did for Sean last year during Autism Awareness Month. Hope you enjoy it!

Sean's Slideshow

Chaos reigns...at least it's fun chaos!

2009-04-09T20:45:00.002-04:00

Today my sister (Tanya, my nephew (Drew) and my niece (Avery) flew in from Connecticut. Visiting from family is usually a stressful time for me. (I touched on this briefly in a previous post.) I want to show everyone how well Sean is doing. This usually requires me being by his side the entire time to make sure he's not getting overwhelmed. I also like to play with my niece and my nephew. And don't forget about my buddy Hunter. So, in other words, I'm pulled in every direction imaginable and I usually feel pretty stressed out at the end of the day.
Not this time. I decided a few days ago that I'm letting go. I'm letting go of the worries and the obsession of mine that they will see Sean's progress. I'm going to just play. Play with Sean, Hunter, Drew and Avery. Hang out with my sister, my parents and my husband when he eventually gets off work. This visit I'm not going to stress out when he has this huge behavior in the middle of the airport where he just throws himself down, goes totally limp like a wet noodle, won't move, screams in protest while all of the wonderful friendly Easter travellers stare in horror. (Yes, it happened today.) I'm going to just let him be a kid who is so excited to see his cousins. Just let them run, play, get into fights and stay up late. This is what being a kid is all about.
I know that Sean really is in tune to my "mood" of the day. If I'm stressed, worried or distracted by something, he totally feels it and will "retreat" for the day. I have to remind myself of this daily. I take the time, pray about what ever is stressing me out and let it go. And 9 times out of 10, it works. (The other time I usually take it back from God and worry about for just another hour.)
That's not to say that this visit won't be tough on Sean. He'll still have to deal with Drew and Hunter being loud, fighting and tearing up the place. Then we have little Miss Avery who likes to get right in his face and do what he's doing. (He is very patient with her. She just loves him. She calls him "my Seany.")
I'm sure we'll have tons of pictures to share over the next week. Yes, I said week. Like I said, chaos is reigning but at least it's fun chaos!

It's Ball Time!!!

2009-04-08T20:48:00.005-04:00

The boys are signed up to play ball. We didn't have practice or a game today. However, today seemed like the perfect day to tell you about it because Sean's baseball league was on the news tonight. (More on that later.)

First, let's talk about Hunter. Hunter is playing soccer with the YMCA. His team is the Bolts. This is his first year playing soccer. He absolutely loves it. The games are so much fun to watch. He's actually really good. Goes right for the ball. He also decided during this past weekend's game that he was going to designate himself as the goalie. The other team has the ball. A really fast kid is kicking it down the field. Hunter is wide open to get him and take the ball from him. What does he do? He takes off running, in front of the kid, running the same direction, heads straight for the goal, spreads himself out as wide as he can and waits. Mean while, the kid kicked it out the side clear back at the halfway mark on the field. Gotta love the 6 year old soccer games!

Here are some pictures from his first game.

Sean isn't playing soccer. He signed up for baseball. (It's actually T-ball but he likes to call it baseball.) He's playing baseball through The Miracle League of the Triangle. This is also Sean's first year playing. It is one of his favorite things to do right now. The pure happiness that is on his face, the excitement as he's waiting to bat, the energy he gives as he runs around the bases...it's incredible. I can't even find the words to explain it. You see, the Miracle League is designed for children with special needs. Our first game with the Miracle League was about three weeks ago. During registration, Sean was given his team jersey. He grabbed a hold of his shirt, smiled, took his sweatshirt off and put on his short sleeve Mudcats jersey. Then he looked at me and said "Let's play baseball." He couldn't wait. He was assigned a team buddy to help him through the game. It was so awesome as his mom to sit on the bleachers and see how happy he was. I was so honored to be a part of this team. My son was playing baseball. In that moment, he didn't have autism. It didn't matter if he ran around the bases non-stop. It didn't matter if it took him a little longer to hit the ball, run the bases or play in the outfield because every time the crowd clapped he stopped and smiled thinking they were applauding him. Nothing mattered. The only thing that mattered was that these children, all of these incredible special children were playing baseball and they enjoyed it. It showed on every child's face. Every time a child would go up to bat, I would cry. Not because the child had autism. Not because the child was in a wheel chair. Not because the child had a walker. I was crying because I was so happy that someone has found a way to touch these childrens' hearts and help them play baseball.

If you can ever make it to one of these games, whether it's when Sean's playing or not, I would encourage you. It will show you how to slow down and really enjoy life.
Here's the link to the story that our local ABC news station did on the man who started The Miracle League. Click here.

When you're done watching that story, you have to watch this one. It's a little more in depth and will really touch you!

Great day....

2009-04-07T20:13:00.003-04:00

Thumbs up....
We have several thumbs up for the day.
1. We have a new person that started working with Sean today. Her name is Brandy. Brandy came to the house to train with Jennifer, his current school shadow, and to play with Sean. As his mom, I worry lots. I worry will she like him? Will she like me? Will she see the potential in him that I see? We've been doing Verbal Behavior with Sean for the past 3 1/2 years. She has no experience in Verbal Behavior however, I just know it's going to be good. Sean already has a connection with her and that's what matters the most. Here's the best part....we've been praying for a while now for God to bring us that person that Sean needs in his life right now. (FYI, Jennifer is now doing consulting work. She will still be a part of his program. We absolutely adore her.) Little did I know that while we were praying for this new person, my neighbor across the street was having a Bible study through her church every week. At this Bible study they would pray over one of their members that she would be able to find that job she was searching for and the hours that she needed so that she could still be apart of her children's day. Little did we know that Craigslist would soon bring it all together. (Everyone loves Craigslist.) You see, that member they were praying over was Brandy. And Brandy answered my ad on Craigslist. We spoke several times over email. But it wasn't until our phone conversation that I really felt like this is the way to go. So far, every thing is going great. So for today, one of our thumbs up is definitely Brandy.
2. Sean and Hunter playing in the bath tub. This was great. The boys were taking a bath and for some reason Sean will play with Hunter more when they are in the bath tub. Tonight, they started a new game. A spitting game. (I know, it sounds gross. But they're playing together and that's what matters the most.) Hunter will take water in his mouth and spit it out on Sean. Then Sean will do the same thing. The best part is when Sean looked at Hunter and said "that's funny. Hunter!" Then they both busted out laughing totally connected to each other. Of course Hunter blurted out his famous "do you know Sean, you're the best brother in the whole world" comment. He'll do this every time Sean does something that Hunter wants to do. Then, Sean looked at Hunter and hugged him and said "silly!" and started laughing again. I loved every minute of it.
3. Jeremy actually got home from work at 8:15. Way before his normal 9pm entrance.

Thumbs down....
I had to clean my house today. I hate cleaning. I have a plaque somewhere buried beneath my chaos that reads "Good mothers have dirty ovens, sticky counter tops and messy floors." That's my motto!

Autism by Hunter

2009-04-06T08:27:00.009-04:00

The following is written word for word by Hunter. I just typed it up for him. It's amazing what he thought of to say. We all believe that Hunter is going to be a Minister when he grows up. He always relates everything back to God.

Hi. My name is Hunter. I have a brother that has autism. He is a twin brother.

Autism is when some kids are shy to talk and play with kids.

My brother is playful. He likes food and stuff. He likes to play with me sometimes. But sometimes he won't play with me. That makes me sad. I wish that he won't have autism and he won't be shy. He is so kind. I love him. We're working on to play with him so he knows what to do. Sometimes I feel jealous when we have to play his way. I get mad when we have to turn the sound off the tv because it hurts his ears. I know Mommy and Daddy love us the same.

He makes me happy when he plays with me and I love it when he copies me.

He is so good. Better than my two dogs. Do you know, he's the best brother in the whole world. I think God made autism so that these autism kids can speak great things that only they can.

McScripty

2009-04-05T21:03:00.007-04:00

For all you Grey's Anatomy fans, I've decided to give Sean a nickname for the week...McScripty.

Scripting seems to be at an all time high in our house right now. I'm not sure exactly what's going on. Could it be all of the candy Sean's been getting lately? Maybe it's all of the "busyness" of our home that's making him feel like he's not getting enough attention. It's frustrating because just when we feel we've got everything under control "WHAM!" something else pops back up. Right now, it's scripting. Hunter has even said "Mom, Sean's scrpting again. Should I do it with him?" Personally, I think it has to do with all of the sugar. However, this too shall pass. We will get this under control and he'll be back on his feet. I just know it. In the meantime, I just have to be patient with all of the animal noises, uncontrollable laughter and skiddoo-ing going on in my house.

Today was a pretty special day for Sean and Hunter. We went to another Easter Egg hunt. (It's ok...breathe...this one was different.) This Easter Egg hunt was designed especially for kids on the spectrum. The church we attend, C3, has a program called Open Arms. It's a special needs ministry. The Open Arms class had a special Easter Egg hunt just for the children in the classroom and their siblings. (Hunter was very happy the invite said "siblings") Which meant....gluten free/casein free snacks, gluten free/casein free candy inside the eggs and a much better time for me! It's so much easier being around people who get it. Who understand what we're going through. (I always said to one of my good friends who has a son with autism, if only we could go to a desserted island I really don't think it would be as hard. Then, we wouldn't feel so different. We wouldn't feel the stares if there was a meltdown in the middle of the grocery store. We wouldn't feel like we were trying to catch up to society.) Back to the Easter egg hunt... The Easter Egg hunt was a huge success with all of the kids. You could really see the joy on all of their faces. (Thank you so much Jennifer for all of your hard work. We really appreciate it!)

Jeremy was able to point something out to me tonight that really meant alot. He said that we are really blessed that we have been able to afford the training that we have gotten over the past years to work with Sean. We're able to spot out behaviors before they happen or shortly there after. We're able to recognize when Sean is falling into an OCD behavior. We can easily see when something isn't agreeing with Sean physically. And most importantly, our patience has grown by leaps and bounds. No matter what happens in the economy today or tomorrow, we're very lucky to have been able to do as much as we have these past 3 1/2 years since Sean's been diagnosed. (FYI, Jeremy works in the car business. Not the best thing going on right now.) For Jeremy to see past what we're not making right now and see how lucky we've been to have received what we have in the past 3 1/2 years for Sean is even a bigger blessing. This is huge for Jeremy to see this today because he's been so stressed about money. Today he was able to show me how blessed we really are through all of this sucky economy.

Be sure to tune in for tomorrow's post. I'm going to let Hunter write it.

Thumbs up....thumbs down....

2009-04-04T19:45:00.008-04:00

We use thumbs up, thumbs down to get Hunter to talk about his school day. He can not stand to talk about his day at school as soon as he gets home but me being the mom that I am, I need to know right away so we started Thumbs Up for the best thing of the day and Thumbs down for the worst thing....

Thumbs up for the day

I woke up at 4am (believe me that's not the thumbs up!) and felt something heavy on my arm. At first I thought it was Hunter because most nights he sneaks into my bed if he has a nightmare. As I'm trying to move my arm, I hear foot steps and Hunter crying "Mommy I had a bad nightmare." That's when I realize it's Sean all snuggled up to me. This is the first time he's ever come into my room in the middle of the night. Usually, he'll wake up, script, stay in his bed and go back to sleep. I didn't even hear him script last night. (Let me back up and let you in on some trouble we've been having during the night time for the past several months. Sean's been peeing in his bed almost every night for the past month. It got to the point where Jeremy and I would take him twice in the middle of the night to help prevent the accidents.) I got up super early to help my mom with a yard sale. Everyone was fast asleep...in my bed. I went back to the boys room to get out their clothes to change them into when they do wake up. That's when I noticed the bathroom light was on. I went into the bathroom and noticed that someone used the bathroom without flushing. Later that morning I asked Hunter if he did that and he said "No Mommy. I came straight to your room after my nightmare!" That's when I realized it was Sean. This is huge! Sean had woken up in the middle of the night, realized he had to pee, went to the bathroom and then probably thought to himself "I think I'll go sleep with mom." The reason this is so big for him is that we've been battling this for quite some time now. For him to actually wake up, realize he has to pee and then go is a huge victory! We're so proud of him!

Another big thumbs up for the day is Sean looked at Hunter and I today and said "Let's play Sorry Sliders!" He kept eye contact with us until we answered him. It was so great to hear him suggest not only something to play together but something that he's not fixated on!

Thumbs down

Neighborhood Easter Egg hunt. I know you mom's with children on the spectrum don't need me to write anymore. You know the battle I had. For those you with children who aren't on the spectrum, let me explain. I took the boys, by myself, to our neighborhood Easter egg hunt. Which just so happened to be right next to a main road. They divided the field into two sides. One for 4 and under and the other for 5 and above. My boys are six so we were on the older field. When they said "go", I headed out on the field with Sean and Hunter in search of eggs. Not only did I have to find these eggs but I had to open them and switch out the chocolate candy that Sean can't have and fill it with something he can have. As I'm walking around the field I see the younger side is filled up with parents helping their kids find their eggs. On the older kid side, I was the only parent. Most of the other parents used this time to socialize, take a rest or help their younger children. I, on the other hand, had to stay with my six year son to make sure he didn't eat the candy he wasn't suppose to have. I had to make sure he didn't take anyone else's eggs. Not to mention the unexpected hugs he likes to give the girls. Most importantly, I had to make sure he didn't go running into the road. (Our neighbors did have a few people along the edges telling the kids to step back if they got too close. But that wouldn't stop Sean.) Once we got all whopping five of our eggs, we headed back to where everyone else already was opening up their eggs in excitement. Then it was cupcake time. Yes cupcakes that Sean can't have. I should have thought ahead and made some for him but I didn't. So at this point, I'm trying very hard to thank our neighbor who coordinated all of this, blocking Sean from seeing the cupcakes and bribing Hunter with all kinds of candy if he'd just be ok without the cupcakes. Luckily, it worked. No major fit. The thumbs down part is just how hard the easiest things become for families with children who have autism. I knew it was going to be a struggle today but I feel like I need to expose Sean to as much fun stuff as possible. Plus, what about Hunter? He deserves to do these things too and I'm not going to leave Sean back at the house. Because even though it ended up being a thumbs down to me, it was a thumbs up for Sean and Hunter which kind makes it a half way thumbs down to me then.

Today was a....

2009-04-03T19:57:00.003-04:00

As I'm sitting here typing up this post for today thinking back on the day....was it a good day or a rough day?.....I hear the kicking on the walls. Both boys are suppose to be asleep in their beds. Sean is on his top bunk of the boys bunk beds kicking the walls with both feet. Hunter is on the bottom bunk trying to find every reason in the world to stay up. "I'm really thirsty." "Did we even say our prayers?" "How about another story." Kick....Kick....kick.....
I try to be patient with this. After all, we'd give anything for Sean to use these tactics to get to stay up as late as possible.
Instead, he goes to the kicking manuveur...kick, kick, kick, kick....
I go into their room and Hunter is in his bed with all of his stuffies (he has like 50 of them that he sleeps with every night. And I'm not exaggerating.) Sean, yes he's in his bed. But he's managed to throw all of the blankets and pillows on the floor. He'll keep the fitted sheet on and then some how manage to go between the fitted sheet and the mattress. I'm guessing he's loving the pressure of it? Not too sure but he likes it. He's happy. I'm ok with it.
He's really scripty again today. Something about lobsters? Not sure where that one is coming from.
I wish I knew why he scripts. Does he actually see these pictures in his mind clearly like he's watching them on tv.
Here comes Hunter...."Mommy, Sean said he needs a pillow." Of course he needs a pillow he just threw them on the floor.
At this moment in time, all I want, all I need is for both boys to go to sleep so I can have some "me" time. Jeremy doesn't get home from work until after the boys are in bed so it's pretty much me all day every day. (As a side note, I'm very blessed to have a husband like Jeremy who will work these long hours so that I can be a stay at home mom.)
"oh no....the magnets are missing...." Sean is screaming in his bed doing another one of his favorite scripts. I hear a rooster sound..."No silly, that's a rooster." Then he's laughing hysterically.
Please God, let that be the last script of the night. No more kicking...no more scripting. Let's just wind this day down.
Then for some reason, maybe because it's Autism Awareness Month, I think back to right before Sean was diagnosed. We had a speech therapist at our home working with Sean trying to get him to do sign language. (He wasn't speaking at this point.) I remember her saying some children with autism never speak. That night I prayed. I was literally on my knees in my bedroom pouring my heart out to God. "Please let me hear how Sean's voice sounds. Let me just hear him say a few words and I'll never complain."
So tonight Sean, script away. Kick those walls. Hunter, try every trick in the book to stay awake. Show me how blessed we truly are. I might even come in and join you!
Today? Definitely good day!

Some days you just don't have it in you...

2009-04-02T19:20:00.000-04:00

...and today is one of those days at our house.

Our day got started on the wrong foot. The weather was very dark and dreary. Sean woke up at 5am. Luckily in our house, if he wakes up early he won't get out of bed. He'll just sit in there and "script". (Scripting is when he recites his favorite lines from TV shows, over and over again.) This is one of the few times I don't mind him scripting so that I can get a little more sleep. (Ok...a little confession on my part. I ended up staying up until about 12:30am watching my DVR'd Reality TV shows.) Sean usually stays in his bed until we come in and get him or he'll fall back asleep. But, no not today.

6am rolled around and all of a sudden LIGHTS come on in my bedroom and I hear "Good morning!!!" It's Sean and he's ready to start his day.

We go through our morning ritual of supplement taking. He's a pro at this. He even takes it out of shot glass. (Don't laugh. It's the only way I can get it down quickly without him really tasting it.) He eats his Trader Joe's frozen banana waffles because I just can't function this morning to actually cook. Off to school.

I head home to get a few hours of down time. Hunter is tracked out of school so when Sean's at school it gives me some one on one time with Hunter. Not even an hour goes by and I get a text from his "shadow/therapist" who goes to school with him. He's having a rough day. Great. Next I spend the remainder of my "free" time wondering what he could have eaten, did we not give him enough attention this morning, is it school, what is throwing him off? (After looking things over we realize he's doing it for attention from his therapist. He's been going to the older classroom at school where his therapist is more hands on. Today he was in the younger classroom so he was trying to work it so that Jennifer was by his side the entire time. He's such a smart thinker. He's always one, well probably like ten, steps ahead of us.)

After we pick up Sean from school at 12noon, we headed to the park. Yes, it was raining. Just a little bit though. But like Daddy said "at least we'll have the park to ourselves." Sean and Hunter had a blast, as did Jeremy. Sean was pretty scripty even at the park. It's hard for us though because we have to stop each time he scripts and decide is he scripting because he's bored, he wants attention, he's hurting, etc...then for each of these different scenarios we have certain protocols to take.

But not today. It's just not that day. Jeremy even took today off. Neither one of us can get motivated. Usually we try to have one of us playing with Sean to keep him constantly engaged and playing. However, as noted above, some days you just don't have it in you and today just happens to be one of those days for both of us. We feel guilty. My friends tell me all the time that he needs his down time as well. What you don't understand is when he has his down time, he slips more into "his own world" and it takes us that much longer to pull him back into ours. We shouldn't let him just sit there and write, script, play Vsmile or anything else that technically could be considered a stim. (Stim is short for self-stimulation. It's a behavior that someone does to engage one of their senses. With Sean, he uses stims to help him with anxiety, boredom and not knowing what's happening next. His stim by writing/drawing, playing VSmile, and the all time favorite is scripting.)

We just don't have it in us. Not today.

Then I checked in on the online Bible study myself and two friends started up today, Spectrum Spirit. That was my reminder to get my head back in the game. It's ok if I have an off day and I'm not going to beat myself up over it. Sometimes I can't give myself 100% to entertaining, engaging and playing with Sean. Some days I can't function like I'm a therapist. Most importantly, I shouldn't be worried about it.

It's now 3:30. I start cooking an early dinner. I hear "J-U-M-P spells JUMP." Then I hear it again "J-U-M-P spells JUMP" and again "J-U-M-P spells JUMP." And again....and again....and again....and again. My mommy instincts wants to run over there and say "yes it does spell jump but can we please spell something else." But the teacher in me knows that he's doing it for attention. I know what I should do but I don't do it.

Not today. I just let it go.

After dinner, it was time to refocus. I started to play with Sean again trying to get him to do something other than what he's been doing. Do you want to ride the scooter board in the house? "No." Do you want to jump on Daddy? "No." Do you want to play Caribou? "No, let's blow the pawprint." You're probably thinking to yourself, what in the world is that? It's part of his Blues Clues script. I pretend I'm Steve and that I"m blowing the pawprint off the tv screen. Sean busts out laughing. To me, it's ok to do this right now because he asked appropriately and he's engaged with me. That's what it's all about. So, I blow the pawprint off the screen. We both laugh.

We did have tons of things happen today with Sean that we are so thankful for. Good news is we got haircuts today with no problems. Sean even sat in the barber chair without needing me right there to constantly remind him to sit still. (Although he did try one time to put the hair back on his head.) He's trying so hard to be like his brother and play with him. He also did great using sentences today. He told Daddy he wanted to wrestle. This is huge because he was able to tell us that he needed some sensory input. (Deep pressure, bear hugs, wrestling.) We had an interview tonight with a girl to see if she's a match for Sean to be his shadow at school. So far so good.

So I guess the thing that I've learned today is that I don't have to be at the top of my game 100% of the time. And that is 100% ok.

"Is that like Rain man?"

2009-04-02T09:39:00.003-04:00

Seriously...do you know how many times I've heard that when Sean was first diagnosed 3 1/2 years ago? Some of the times from strangers other times from friends. It would just pierce me in the heart. But unfortunately when you mentioned "autism" at that time, the only thing the public knew was Rain Man.

In 2004, when we first heard the word "autism", I was like no way. No way does my son have autism. I wasn't in denial. I was uneducated. All I knew about autism was Rain Man. (Something most mom's of children with autism hate to hear others say.) My pediatrician said "let's just have him evaluated and see. Worse case scenario "very mild autism." Still no clue what she meant. I googled "autism". I looked at some of the characteristics and thought to myself "Sean plays well. Sean looks at me in the eyes. Sean loves hugs." No way man. Not my son. He doesn't have autism.

It took us about a good year to realize wait a minute there's more to "autism" than what most people know. There are some things that he is doing that may put him on the spectrum. Like his lack of language, which we attributed him to be the shy twin. His (for lack of a better term) scrambled up communication, like being able to recite the ABC's, 123's, the Lord's Prayer but couldn't ask us for some juice. His play skills weren't where his brother's were. He'd rather watch Blues Clues and play with a bubble stick whereas Hunter would want to play with Sean and had great pretend play. But it can't be. Not my son. Not autism. He loved to sit with me. To hug me. He knew how to play with a toy car. He wouldn't just sit there and watch the wheels spin.

It's amazing how ignorant we all are to different situations in life unless we've "been there done that." It's hard to know to "look behind the door unless you've been behind the door." When I first told some of my friends about how Sean could have autism they all replied the same way I did. There's no way. As I mentioned above, I even had friends who said "is that like Rain Man?" I couldn't help but be hurt by those questions. It hurt my heart heavily and made me sad. We all had no clue. I've watched Rain Man one time in my life. I'll be 100% honest with you, I haven't watched it since. It's like part of me wants to watch it again but a huge part of me won't let me watch it. I see Sean unlike everyone else. I won't let autism define who he is and who he can be. For a mom with a child with autism, we all hold on to the hopes that our child will be one of the ones who recover. We don't let our minds go to the what if's. Maybe briefly. But for me, I have to hold on to who Sean is as a person. As my son. And it's absolutely amazing for me to watch him.

Unfortunately, more and more children are being diagnosed with autism. However, the good news is that we know more about autism today. No longer do we only think of Rain Man, we think of Jenny McCarthy's son and the many more children who have recovered, we think of the Gluten Free/Casein Free diet, we have more hope today for our children than ever. I'm also more educated on the different "faces" of autism. Our children on the spectrum are kind of like a snowflake...no two children are alike. I'm more knowledgable on the huge "spectrum" that one can fall under with autism. I also know my son. I know what he's capable of doing and not doing.

If you have a child with autism, you know what I'm saying. If you don't have a child with autism, chances are you know someone who does. Take the time to look I encourage you to take some time in the month of April and learn more. See the different "faces" of autism. Learn the possibilities of the causes. Do as much research as you can to support your friends and really get to know their child. There's alot more behind them then "autism". (And whatever you do, don't ask about Rain Man.)

Today I want to let you all know how proud I am of my son. He's been "battling" autism now for 3 1/2 years. I honestly feel he's winning. He's happy, always smiling and is learning so much every day. We couldn't be more proud of him!

Sean 3 1/2 years ago

Sean's 1st Day of Kindergarten

I'll be writing in my blog again tonight to share about our day! Hopefully it's a good one!

Count down to Autism Awareness Month

2009-03-23T12:00:00.001-04:00

I know that April is still about a week away. But I can't help but be excited about this month. This is the month that we as parents of children with autism hope that the world will learn more about something that is a big part of our world.

You see, April is Autism Awareness Month. Something I obvoiusly hold near and dear to my heart. Last year for Autism Awareness Month I put together this slide show (click here). This year, I want to do something different. I want to give everyone a glimpse into our world. (When I say "our world" I mean families that have children with autism.) Starting on April 2nd, which is World Autism Day, I will start writing in my blog every night. I will share our trials, triumphs, fears, hopes, exciting new steps, every honest little detail to show you "our world". I will also share other bloggers "blogs" as well as links that uplift me when I need it the most.

My hope in all of this is that I can provide more understanding of what it's like not only for myself but for Sean, his brother, his Daddy and other family members. (I'm even going to let Hunter and their cousin Drew write in my blog one day to share their thoughts and feelings.)

The thing is, I don't really think that even my closest friends truly understand "our world." Everyone is very supportive and tries to understand. It's one of those things where if you are not living it every day, you can not begin to know the heartbreaks, the fear, the blessings and the victories that we have on a daily basis. I feel like if I dedicate my entire month and truly lay ourselves out there, we can help spread the word about autism and what it's truly like. Is it difficult? Yes. But God never said our lives wouldn't be difficult. Do we have blessings in our lives? Yes. And we probably appreciate them alot more than you could possibly imagine.

To me, living with autism is not hard if we are at home all day. I've got my system. No one can touch it. It's perfect. But as soon as we go out in the "community" that's when it gets hard. I feel the stares, the judging, the questions of "is there something wrong with him?" That's when it's hard.

So, hold on tight and starting April 2nd I will share with you everything that's on my mind. (And believe me, there's alot!) If this ends up helping one family living with autism realize that they are not alone on how they're feeling or even one person not touched by autism be a little more understanding and realize the best way to help, it will be worth me reaching deep inside of myself and sharing every intimate thought that I don't even share with myself.

The Five Love Languages continued...

2009-03-18T21:09:00.002-04:00

So after I posted my last blog entry, we headed to church. If you want to learn more about The Five Love Languages you have to watch this sermon. It's great!

C3 March 15th Sermon

The Five Love Languages

2009-03-15T09:26:00.002-04:00

So I'm going to be a little honest with you....we usually attend church every weekend. However, lately it seems we've been missing a little too much due to sicknesses and traveling. (And I can tell because I'm not as "spiritually charged" to make it through the week like I normally am.) This morning while everyone is running around like mahem hit our house, I decided to go to C3's web site to try to catch up on the latest sermon series so I wouldn't feel so "lost" at church today. On C3's home page, I saw this "The Five Love Languages: Click here to take the test." I don't know how many of you have read The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman but it is a wonderful book. Basically, the book helps you figure out how you show others that you love them. It's either by words of affirmation, physical touch, quality time, gift giving, or acts of service. You can have more than one. Whatever your "love language" is, is the way you feel loved by others as well. Here's the tricky part....if your love language is different from your significant others you may not be showing each other how much you love each other. For example, my love language is words of affirmation and quality time. If Jeremy's is physical touch and gift giving, than he thinks that by giving me gifts and holding my hands, I feel completely loved. However, if I'm not getting the words of affirmation and the quality time, I feel like I'm missing something.

I encourage you to go to this website and take the test. Click here to figure out your love language as well as your significant others. It's pretty cool!

I'm off to get my batteries re-charged!

See what happens when you let your brother-in-law try to work your camera....

2009-03-14T10:23:00.001-04:00

Meet Kevin. My brother-in-law. Here's Kevin trying to figure out how to work my camera when he "accidentally" takes a picture of himself while holding the camera in his other hand. (Sorry, Kevin, had to do it!)

Three boys and a little lady

2009-03-12T16:16:00.000-04:00

I want to start off by saying how much I love being a mom to boys. Growing up, I was a tomboy. Loved playing in the creek in our back yard, the dirt making mud pies and playing hide and go seek. But I still loved playing Barbies. I had the Barbie dream house, Barbie camper and even the Barbie swimming pool. Today, I love playing with Sean and Hunter. Love to play cars, Bakugans (even though we have made up our own rules), Army, jumping on the trampolene, and rolling down our hill in our front yard. But I still need to play Barbies. I still need my "girl fix".

Thank you to my sister for my niece Avery.

She's the perfect little girl! She loves to be all girly-girl but can definitely hold her own to her older brother and two older cousins.

This past weekend we traveled to Connecticut for Avery's 2nd birthday. All of you mom's of only boys will understand me when I say that I had to buy Avery something girlie. I mean over the top girlie. I looked at the doll babies. I looked at clothes. I even looked at Barbies even though the box says ages 3+. Then I found it. The perfect thing for Avery from her "Colee". A princess dress. But not just any princess dress, Snow White. I expected her to like it. But I never expected this....

"Piza Avery! Wow!" (She was trying to say "Princess Avery!") Then she would stare at herself in the mirror just smiling, looking at herself saying "Piza Avery, Piza Avery!" That's all she wanted to do was stare at how pretty she looked in the mirror. To top it all off, I also bought her a Snow White Barbie so she could have a doll in the princess dress as well. Big winner! She loved it. Totally worth the search.

The boys had a great time as well.

Drew, my nephew who is 8 1/2, has an amazing connection with Sean. He can get Sean to do anything. Drew also did a great job teaching Hunter how to play baseball and football. He's a great kid!
Hunter really enjoyed playing baseball and football with Drew and his friend Matthew. He had a great time with them and is still talking about them and telling everyone how they taught him how to play football and baseball.
Sean had fun but was having difficulty while up there. Trips are always hard. So is visiting family. I think it's more difficult for me. I just want everyone to see how well Sean is doing. All of the gains that he's made since they've seen them last. Maybe it's my own selfish nature needing to here "oh, he's doing so great!" It kind of boosts your ego and recharges you for the next round. You feel like you've accomplished a mountain. In Connecticut, he just wasn't himself. All he wanted to do was color or walk around holding crayons. His temper was very short. I, of course, had a melt down myself. I was so upset because he wasn't doing everything that he does at home. Autism was kicking in full blast and I couldn't do anything to stop it. I just didn't get it. Then, my sister walks by him and kind of just played with his hair when she noticed he felt warm. Yes, my friends, a fever. Sean was sick. It wasn't autism that was flaring up. It was a virus. So while I was busy having my once a month pity party, Sean's wonderful aunt was able to see that he was sick. I was so worried that they wouldn't get to see all of the great things he's doing now that I totally missed out that they already know him. They already see the incredible gains he's making. Most importantly they see him for who he is, Sean.

I think it happens way too often in life....we spend too much time worrying about things that we miss out on the blessings that God puts right in front of us!

Best Girl Ever!

2009-03-03T21:06:00.003-05:00

Nothing beats tucking your children in their beds after a long day of playing with them, then hearing your children pray as sincerely as they can to God (or Gawd as Hunter pronounces it) and then tell eachother "Goodnight!" That is until tonight when I was tucking in Hunter and he grabbed the side of my face and said "Do you Mommy...you are the best girl ever!" Then I looked up at Sean (they have bunk beds and Sean's got top bunk) and he looked at me and smiled in total agreement.

I feel like the luckiest mom!

Free Your Mind....

2009-02-25T18:12:00.002-05:00

Yes, you remember that song don't you? Come on now, En Vogue from the 90's.

Well that's exactly what I learned to do today "Free my mind"....

You see, today I had about 2 kid free hours. I had a dermatology appt in Raleigh. (No panicking necessary. I have a weird rash on my neck that my hypochondriac self swore up and down that it was either ringworm or even worse some sort of pre-cancerous stuff going on. Nevertheless, just a case of very dry skin.) So, I'm on my way to my appt which just so happens to take me 30 minutes to get there and so I catch up on some phone calls. I called one of my neighbors to chat about her new baby. When she found out I was kid free she immediately tells me when she is kid free in her car she listens to the music she wants as loud as she wants and sings at the top of her lungs. She said it is a great stress release. I was intrigued. I got off the phone with her, dismissed all of the other calls I had to make on the way and turned it up....

As a satelitte radio listener, I have three stations that I listen to.... The Message (contemporary Christian music that I listen to alot. Great music especially for those days that I need to be lifted up! Very motiviating, moving station) and my other two favorites....the 80's and the 90's stations. No kids in the car....listen to the music I want to....turn it up....

So, I'm on 40 heading towards Raleigh, listening to the 90's station. The first song I heard was Free Your Mind by En Vogue. Boy did that song get me in the mood. I knew I needed to (for lack of better words) Free My Mind of stress, worries and just be Nicole. Have fun. Think of nothing. Just sing. Sing like I use to in high school and college while riding in my car with absolutely no cares in world. So I did. At the top of my lungs. "Free Your Mind..." Then all of a sudden I hear "Right turn ahead." Yes, I forgot to turn off my On-Star directions to my doctor's office. So I quickly turn off my On Star because at this point it's more important for me to free my mind then find my doctors office.

I felt like I was me again. Nicole. Not mom. Not wife. Just Nicole. (Don't get me wrong. I love my family more than anything. I wouldnt' trade my life for anything. But as a Stay At Home mom, you start to lose yourself. Lose who you are. I felt like I was losing Fun-Nicole.) So, I was going to find her. Fun Nicole. Having fun. Singing. Probably looking like a complete lunatic but I didn't care. It felt great. (So sorry if you were one of the cars on Blue Ridge road that was next to me while my bass was kicking.) I kept switching from the 80's music to the 90's....En Vogue, Walk Like An Egyptian by the Bangles, I'll Be Missing You by Puff Daddy, Every Rose Has it's Thorn by Poison, Goo Goo Dolls, Eve 6, Def Leopard, Sinead O'Connor, Queen and yes even the Police. I was jamming! (Do we still say jamming or is it something else now?) I felt free. I felt like I was in college again. (I almost went looking for my three buddies from college for an infamous spontaneous "Road Trip" by Nicole.) My windows were down. It was cold but I didn't care. I felt like I had no care in the world. When I got to the doctors office, my head was clear. (Either that or my wind blown hair just made me feel lighter.) I didn't care though. My hair was messed up. The Bangles were still playing in my head. I felt great. I decided from that moment on whenever there are no kids in the car, or even if I need to drown out the fighting from the back seat, I will sing to one of my three favorite stations. Without the navigation system on....

I feel like we all need moments like this so that we don't take life so seriously. Every one of us have our own "cross" to bare. We have our own struggles and triumphs in life. We need to find something in our lives to help us have fun and enjoy what we have. I found mine in my car singing to some of my favorite groups from years past.

So the next time you're in your car, you've dropped the kids off at school...even if you've only got 10 minutes....turn on your favorite station, turn it up and sing like nobody is watching (or listening!)

"Free Your Mind and the rest will follow..."

The fish and the pavement

2009-02-17T19:00:00.000-05:00

Word of Advice...if you're going to buy a pet, even a fish, plan ahead...it'll save you on the stress.

Yesterday, Sean decided he wanted a fish. But not just any fish. Dorothy from Elmo's World. He looked up at me and said "Let's go get Dorothy." I looked at him confused and he said "Pet store. Birds. Fish." Like he was trying to give me hints. So I said "oh, you want to go to the pet store and buy a fish?" He said "yes! let's go pet store." Ok...pause for one second as I remind you all that Sean has autism and is just now beginning to speak in full sentences. So anytime he speaks in full sentences we try to reward him for this. Lately, his sentences have been incredible. He's slowly piecing them all together. It's so awesome to watch! Back to the pet store.... So Sean and I walk into Petsmart. I told him we needed to get dog food then we'd go look at the fish. He said "First dog food. Then fish and fish food to the car." (I just love hearing him try and actually succeed at telling me what he's wanting and feeling.) We made our way over to the fish tanks. Now, I don't know if you've ever noticed how many different kinds of goldfish there are at a pet store but at this Petsmart there were over 6 tanks of goldfish to choose from and the all look the same. We needed to find one that would fit in our small fish bowl that we've had for a little over a year. (We had a Beta Fish that didn't live that very long but I still hung on to the bowl.) I wanted to choose one that wasn't that expensive. I'm well known for not being able to keep a fish alive for more than a few weeks and any kind of flowers in our yard alive for more than a month. (Don't judge...my kids and my husband are healthy and well fed!) After staring at all of the goldfish that look exactly the same to me, I see a girl who is working the "fish" section and I asked her which goldfish does she recommend for a small goldfish bowl. (Note, the name goldfish bowl.) Well, Sean must have written "SUCKER" on my forehead in a permanent Sharpee marker cause she looked right at me and said "we don't recommend anything smaller than a 10 gallon tank." To which I say "oh, do you have any for sale?" (Picture Sean walking beside me smirking.) She shows me the 10 gallon Starter Goldfish tank that just so happens to be on sale. So I, along with my forehead with "SUCKER" written on it, place the new 10 gallon tank in our cart. It took about 15 minutes of me convincing Sean that he didn't need "Dorothy" in a fishbowl like Elmos. He could a have a bigger fishbowl that was a rectangle! Now, we're off to find a goldfish. So again I ask the girl, which goldfish do you recommend for this tank to which she then replies..."well, actually we recommend that you buy the tank, let it run for about 48 hours and then come back and buy your fish.?" Are you kidding me? I just spent 15 minutes explaining to my son how Dorothy needs a bigger home and now I shouldn't even bring Dorothy home? Great...how do I explain this to my son who has autism and wants everything as soon as he can ask for it. So, I did what any other mother would do. I convinced him to get another fish. We marched back over to the Goldfish Starter Kit aisle, returned the rectangular 10 gallon tank to the shelf and picked out a Beta fish. (Yes, an exact replica of the fish I killed last year in about 1 week flat.) I was able to get him all excited about getting a blue fish that we could still name Dorothy and she could live in that really cool round bowl just like in Elmo's World. Sean was happy so we went to go pay. We get to the check out where the clerk tells me that not only do we need some sort of drops to put in the water to make it "pure" we also need to let the drops settle in the water over night before we put the fish in the bowl. (Seriously, he has no clue what is going on in Sean's head. I know this only because I'm his mom and I know him better than I know myself. He pictures a fish in this round bowl. He'll go get an Elmo stuffy and some fish food. He'll put the fish food in Elmo's hand and he'll pretend he's Elmo feeding Dorothy. Yeah, I know, great pretend play! I was so excited when he started this last week.) I looked at the guy and said "yeah but on the bottle-full-of-drops it says it makes the water safe instantly. So we're good right?" I really think they're just trying cover their butts because they know how quickly these fish kick the bucket. Finally, we got the dog food, fish and fish food and head out to the parking lot. As Sean gets in to the car, I put the fish down on the ground so that I could put the dog food in the back of the car. If you haven't bought a Beta fish in a while, they are sold in a small cup with water. On the lid, is an opening so that they can feed the fish. Well, the opening was a little larger than usual. I put the dog food in the car and notice water everywhere. It really caught me off guard because I couldn't figure out why there was water by my feet and where this water was coming from. Then I saw her. Dorothy, Sean's new fish, on the pavement flipping around trying to get water. I had accidentally kicked her cup over. Here I am in the middle of the Petsmart parking lot trying to catch this fish. I had to catch her. Now it all came down to me actually winning and getting this fish home in that round bowl right away so that Sean could pretend he was Elmo and this blue Beta Fish was Dorothy the Goldfish.

So now Dorothy is at her new home, the round bowl. Healthy for the time being. Hunter gets home from an afternoon at Nana's house and sees Dorothy. "oh cool Mommy a fish! Can we go tomorrow to get one just for me?"

Premio Dardos Award

2009-02-15T21:11:00.002-05:00

The Dardos Award is given for recognition of cultural, ethical, literary, and personal values transmitted in the form of creative and original writing. These stamps were created with the intention of promoting fraternization between bloggers, a way of showing affection and gratitude for work that adds value to the Web.

I was very excited when I received a nomination from a friend of mine. This means the world to me because I really enjoy sharing our experiences on this blog...good, bad and funny. And I have alot of respect for the person who nominated me. It's actually kind of ironic. I found out that a girl I went to high school with also has a child with autism. I knew I had to get in touch with her. There's just a bond that you get with other parents of children with autism that you can't find any where else. She also has a blog that I absolutely love. Spectrum Hope. Chrissy uses her blog to not only provide support, share stories and make other parents of children with autism laugh, she also uses it to share some really delicious GFCF recipes. (This is the diet that Sean is on that has really helped him.) Her writing is incredible. Her stories really hit home. Her recipes are delicious. So for her to nominate my blog meant the world. Thanks Chrissy.

Now it's my turn. As a recipient of this award I must nominate five other blogs. There are so many good blogs that I love to read. These are my top five...

1. Confessions of a CF Husband

2. Bring on the Rain

3. Sloan Chronicles

4. Our Family Journey

5. 31 Dates in 31 Days

I have to say that each of these blogs are different. Each of them bring so much into my life. The writers of the first two blogs I've never met. Yet they have made such an impression on my life. They have helped me spiritually grow and seek more. The third one, is written by a close friend of mine. It is so nice to read her blog and see her faith shine through in each of the events she writes about. The fourth blog is written by another mom who has a child with autism and her blog is so inspiring to read. And the last one is a little different. 31 Dates in 31 Days is actually a really funny one to read. I heard about it on Good Morning America and had to check it out. We all need something good and funny to read. This one is perfect around Valentine's Day!

Hope you enjoy them as much as I do!

Autism through the eyes of a child...

2009-02-10T21:10:00.000-05:00

I often wonder how children view autism. Do they see it simpler than we do as adults? Is their faith stronger than ours to where they see more hope? Can they look past all of the negatives and focus on the positives? I know as a mom of a child with autism, I get bogged down in every little detail very easily.

I decided to go right to the source. To the one child who could answer it all for me....you guessed it, Hunter. How does a sibling of a child with autism see it? Especially a twin...How do they feel about autism? I mean most adults can't even wrap their minds around it. If you don't have a child with autism, it's hard to really truly understand what it is. So, the other day I asked Hunter...."Hunter, what do you think autism is?" He says....

"That's easy Mom. It's when you are very very shy and you can't talk as much as other kids. You want to talk. You want to play. But you're just too scared. So you do other things to make you feel better like say Blues Clues, write your ABC's...stuff like that." Then, he finished eating his Honey Bun.

Why do we as adults make it oh so difficult..

Turning 35 and Becoming an Army Mommy

2009-01-30T09:43:00.000-05:00

So today, I turn the big 35. And to me, 35 is a bigger milestone than 40. I think I'm having a harder time turning 35 than 40. Like I told my some of my friends this week, once you turn 35 it all changes. The biggest thing is that when I fill out paper work, I now am in a different category. No longer will I be 18-34 years old, I will be in the 35+ bracket!?!?!?! Then, if and I do heavily stress the if, Jeremy and I decide to have more kids I will be considered ADVANCED MATERNAL AGE...Then there are these really fine lines that are starting to gather around my eyes. I think they're called wrinkles. Yes, today will be a tough day. But then I stop and think about my life and everything that has happened over these past 35 years and I get excited to see what is in store for me for the next 35 years. I had a wonderful childhood thanks to a great mom and dad. I grew up with a fun sister. We were the best of friends growing up as kids. Fought like cats and dogs when we were teenagers and have grown back together again as adults. I have childhood friends that I still keep in touch with. High school and college friends that will always be in my life. I married a wonderful guy and have two great kids.
Speaking of my wonderful huband and two great kids....
For my birthday, Jeremy got me a day at the spa. (I did that this past Sunday with my close friend Amy.) This morning I got a new outfit from the boys. Would you like to see it? Hunter picked it out. He said I would look great as an Army mommy and this is my favorite...."On Daddy's days off we can all dress in our Army gear and play Army family." (Jeremy was in the Army and still has his Army uniforms.) Yes, you definitely need to check out the following link.

My new birthday Army Outfit

The funny thing is he asked me to wear it when I pick him up for school today.

It's a twin thing....

2009-01-28T20:11:00.004-05:00

I have to admit, I love seeing the boys do things that are considered a 'twin thing'. When they were babies, they loved to sleep beside each other in the bassinet and play footsies. As toddlers, they would walk by each other and swap pacifiers. As boys, they climb into bed with each other, play in the bath tub some really silly games that I have no clue what they are doing and to be honest with you I don't think they do either and they will even finish each others food when one doesn't want something. (Usually Hunter is shoveling it onto Sean's plate.) Recently, there have been several occasions where Hunter was crying and very upset either because he's gotten hurt or missed me. Sean would be upstairs with his therapist laughing and having a good time. Completely out of hearing range of Hunter crying. All of a sudden he'd stop....start crying uncontrollably and run to where Hunter is and just sit with him and they would both just cry. It's amazing...this 'twin thing.'

Tonight, we had another 'twin thing'.....Hunter fell about a week ago (one of the times Sean was crying with Hunter) and smashed his face flat on our hard wood floors knocking his tooth really loose. Finally after a week of it just hanging there, tonight before bath time, he let me pull it out. As I'm trying to pull Hunter's tooth, Sean is yelling "Mommy pull tooth! Mommy pull tooth!" I said "I'm trying to Sean." He kept saying it like he was asking me to do it. Finally I got the tooth out and showed Hunter and then Sean. Sean looked at me and said "No. Pull Sean's tooth. Take out Sean's tooth." And for the rest of the night, he stared at Hunter's whole in his mouth and tried so hard to get his tooth out.....it must be a 'twin thing'.....

Snow Day!!!

2009-01-20T19:37:00.009-05:00

Today was a good day. Today was a fun day. Today was a long awaited snow day. I can't tell you how many times Sean has asked for snow. It's hard to explain to him that I can't make it snow. Yes, everything else you have asked for when it was the first time asking for it we'd get it for you to reward you for talking but snow, I just can't do it. For Christmas he even asked for a snow cone machine. Santa of course brought him a Snoopy Snow Cone machine. Little did we know that he thought the snow cone machine made snow. Like snow for the yard. So today was a good day!

The boys got snow and lots of it! Last night before we went to bed, we did the old superstition of putting ice in the potty and wearing your pj's inside out and it to make it snow. It started snowing here around 2:30am with light snow. I woke up at 3:45am and like a little girl I ran to the window to see if it's snowing. At that time there was just a light dusting on the ground. So, then instead of going back to sleep I turn on the tv to see if we'll get more. Everything was still up in the air. I was trying to be as quiet as possible because a little boy decided to hop in my bed last night after a nightmare. Then, I look out the window and see the snow pouring out of the sky. I was so excited. And then, I did the unthinkable. Something no mother should ever do. I woke up Hunter who was asleep in my bed and said "Hunter it's snowing outside!! The ice in the potty worked!" (yes, I woke a sleeping child.) He woke right up, ran to the window and got so excited. We both ended up not falling back asleep. I told him we couldn't go outside and play until it was light enough outside where we wouldn't need the porch light on. Finally, it was time to play in the snow.....

Sean & Hunter sledding together.

Sean loved sledding!

Hunter climbing up the hill with our self made repell line.

Sledding not just for kids. I gave it a try too!

Jeremy was off work and in charge of giving the starting push.

Picture of our street in the morning.

Life full of clouds....

2009-01-14T20:18:00.003-05:00

I just read this devotion on Proverbs31.com. Thought I'd share....

Click here to read

Go on and cry....

2009-01-11T20:49:00.003-05:00

I always say that everything happens for a reason. I honestly believe that. I believe that last night the reason I couldn't find anything on tv, the reason why I really didn't feel like being around anyone including myself, the reason why I was glued to my laptop reading everyone else's blogs was so I would read this one. It's amazing how this entry impacted me over the last 24 hours. My friend writes about a day like no other in our world of autism. A rough day. A day where every stare from every stranger cuts right to our hearts. A day where it seemed everything was going wrong. A day where you needed a good cry. And for some reason it really has helped me over the past 24 hours. Not because I relish when others days go wrong. But because she understood. She knew where I am at this very moment.
Yes today I know why I read Chrissy's blog yesterday. To prepare me for today. Oh, what a wonderful day. Let me preface all of this by giving you a small glimpse as to how our week has been going. Sean has been having a pretty rough week. He's been doing great over the past several months. Lots of talking, playing, making friends, meeting goals, etc... Then all of a sudden BHAM....he's scripting again (reciting lines from movies/tv), zoning out, OCD is at an all time high which then brings on some pretty tough anxiety, he's laughing his tail off at the most funniest thing he's every seen and there's nothing in front of him, and he's just not as connected to me as he has been. (I figured out later that he has some food he shouldn't have. He's been gluten, dairy and pretty much soy free now for about 1 1/2 years. Any kind of food with any of these ingredients will throw him off big time. So, I know why it's happening but it doesn't make it any easier.) After about the 150 millionth time of hearing the following phrases...."black dog, no that's a hump back whale, figure out the notebook, red and white make pink" and then tons of laughter behind it, you can imagine that it's not funny any more. That's what's so frustrating. His language lately has been phenomenol. He's been talking like crazy. He's still spitting out sentences and talking with us but it's hard to remember it when he yells "no, it's time to get in the lake." Ok...where did that come from? Then it becomes like a mission for me to figure it out.
So we go to the one place that always helps me figure it out at least for the moment, church. I need church on Sundays. I need to drop the kids off in their classrooms so that they can learn about Jesus and then I need to go worship, learn and pray. That's what gets me through each week. It's like getting my batteries recharged. I always know when I leave church that this week will be good and if it's hard I can do it. It was just the boys and I going to church this morning. (First jab into the rough day.) First we head to Sean's classroom. He is in the Open Arms program at our church. A wonderful program for children with special needs. He loves it. I love it because he learns so much about Jesus there just like he should and the teachers are so amazing with him. He goes into the bathroom to potty. He needs no assistance, or so I thought, while going potty. Today was different. He didn't pull his pants down all the way and peed on his underwear. (Second jab) He looked at me and said "underwear wet." Oh this is just great. He's wet and I have no change of clothes. Home is 20 minutes away. The worship music just started. But there was nothing I could do. Now before I continue any further, his underwear weren't technically wet. They were damp. Wet enough to where if they were on me I'd want to change. So, I said "ok boys, we have to go home." Sean said "No home." I said "You're underwear are wet we have to go home." He says "No wet. Underwear dry." He pulls up his pants as he's trying to convince me that it's ok. It was at that moment I had a decision to make. Do I walk out of the church with a child who is going through so much OCD this week screaming his head off because we didn't do what we're suppose to do and go to church or do I swallow my "I have to be a good Mommy pride" and just let him wear it. So, we pulled up those pants and went into the classroom. I told the teachers what happened and told them that if he started to complain or if they saw his pants getting wet (oh gosh I feel so awful just writing this) page my number and I'll come get him. Honestly it wasn't that wet but I felt awful. After this incident, everything else went great. The service was wonderful. The boys had fun. Sean's pants were dry.
Then came jab number 3....Today was suppose to be my day to get away for a few hours just me and some friends. Well, we all know how that goes when the Mommy tries to get away. It ended up not working out for my friends to get away so we decided to move it to another day. So instead, I have this bright idea to go to the movies with Jeremy and the boys. We decide to go see Bolt. (Great movie by the way.) Sean usually does great at the movies. He loves them. But this week has not been so great so I was a little apprehensive but I already asked the boys if they wanted to go. So we headed to the movies with my purse full of Sean friendly snacks. Once we sat down, Hunter and I decided to go to the snack stand to get drinks. We get our stuff and head back. The movie still hadn't started. There was a decent amount of people in the theater and we sat at the tippy top of the theater because that's where the boys like it. Well, as I'm walking with Hunter, he decides to walk ahead. He's almost to the top of the stadium style seats when I turn the corner to start up the stairs. I have no idea what happened, how it happened or why it happened but I fell. (Final jab) Oh no I didn't just fall. I fell, hit my head on the wall with the railing, slammed my knee and arm into the floor and then bouced my face off the floor. (Go ahead, I'll give you a minute to laugh.) Then all at once you heard this big "gasp". Seriously, like something you would hear on tv. It was like the guy in the movie booth his the sound effects button. I look up and everyone in the theater was staring. I was on the brink of just a total meltdown. I mean a cry so hard it would remind me of crying like when I was a child. Then I look over and there's this lady with a newborn baby in her car seat sitting on the end of the aisle that I decided to lay down by. She was so sweet and nice that I was able to collect myself to walk to the top of the theater. Jeremy says "are you all right Nicole?" Of course at that moment it was all his fault. After all, he didn't go to church with me this morning. "Just leave me alone" was all I could say. Luckily at this time the movie started. As I sat in the dark movie theater with the previews just starting, I cried. I cried like a did when I was a little girl. I cried because I fell and it hurt and everyone stared at me. I cried because Sean was having a rough week. I cried because Jeremy didn't go to church. I cried because Sean has autism and I just can't seem to get him to where he needs to be. Most importantly I cried because Chrissy told me to. And it made all the difference in the world to me. So the next time you're holding those tears back. Just do it, go on and cry! It doesn't make you any weaker. I actually think it makes you stronger. After a few good minutes of crying you'll feel so much better. I did!

New year....new resolutions

2009-01-01T08:48:00.002-05:00

Happy New Year!
It's that time of the year again. Coming up with some wishful promises of how we can be a better person. So here it goes...here's my New Year's resolution:

To become a recycler.

I know many of you probably already do this. But with my crazy lifestyle, we have always forgotten. It's just easier to throw it all in one trash can. Plus, how much help does just one person really help? Well, I have a neighbor who we call the "Green Queen." She's really into recycling everything. When she found out I didn't recycle (oh put your gasps away I know I should) she encouraged us to do so. She explained to me how much help even one family can have on the environment.

So now, our recycling will consist of not only recycling things that go in the trash but also grocery bags. We will now try to remember to bring our own grocery bags to the stores. It's just hard to remember. I've already started on this New Year's resolution about a week ago. Trash recycling has been easy. Remember the grocery bags is another.

So, if you're searching for a New Year's resolution and you don't recycle, join me in becoming the new recyclers. If you already recycle and are still in need for a resolution, check out some popular New Year's resolutions below:

Lose weight/get fit
Stop smoking
Spend more time with family
Get out of debt
Enjoy Life more
Floss
Learn something new
Help others
Get organized

What's yours?

Merry Christmas!!!!

2008-12-25T21:23:00.005-05:00

We wish you a Merry Christmas

and a Happy New Year!

Live Nativity Scene and Gingerbread Houses

2008-12-22T19:13:00.007-05:00

One of my favorite things that we decided to do this year is visiting a Live Nativity Scene put on by a local church. If you haven't done so already, I would really try to find one near you. It's amazing. This church did an amazing job of telling the story of the birth of Jesus. It was a drive thru Nativity Scene so we're in the car and the boys have their heads out the window....

(Obviously, my head well entire body was hanging out the window to get this picture.) As you start to drive you can hear the most amazing music being played. In the distance are the shephards with their sheep. Real sheep. Then there are the angels singing. Off to the side you see the Inn keeper pointing the stables. And in that stable was the most amazing scene. You hear the music playing and you see the Angel, Mary, Joseph and baby Jesus. Can I tell you that when we got to the scene of the birth of Christ it was amazing. It really brought home to me what Christmas is all about and how we should be feeling inside. I didn't feel the stress of the holiday season. I felt the peace. It really brought home to me what Christmas day is all about and what happened in that stable so many years ago. Here are some pictures from the Live Nativity Scene....

The boys really loved doing this and it was neat to tell the Christmas story to them with everything right in front of their eyes. Of course Sean was looking for the rhino's. He thought we were heading to the zoo. And Hunter wanted to know why everything was on Sean's side of the car. But honestly, all of that was totally overlooked as we drove through the Nativity Scene. So, if you can find one I highly recommend it. (FYI, this Nativity Scene was at St. Andrew's United Methodist Church in Raleigh. They did a fantastic job. I believe they do this every year.)

So, now that I'm really in the Christmas spirit, I helped the boys make gingerbread houses. They both got a kit from our friends Ryan and Greyson. The houses are made out of foam and you glue each little (and I do stress little and very tedious) piece on. Me, being the "I have to have it done my way" person that I am, had a little trouble letting the boys do it their own special way. But I did.

If you look at Sean's, you can tell where that he got the "I have to have it done my way" thing from me. I think every piece he put on was perfectly straight. Hunter, on the other hand, has his Daddy's competitive streak. He wanted to be done first. Either way, they both made very cute gingerbread houses. It was really neat to sit back and watch Sean follow his brother's lead. Every time he picked up a piece to put on the house, he checked to see where Hunter put his first and then did the same thing. A little straighter, but the same thing.

Holiday Traditions

2008-12-13T07:37:00.003-05:00

This Christmas will be a little different for our home. A little less people, a little less chaos, and with that, unfortunately, comes a little less traditions. Nana and Pappy will be in Connecticut celebrating with my sister and her family. (It's my sister's turn this year.) Gramma can't make it down for Christmas either. (She's feeling better but not up to traveling just yet.) We do have Grampa coming from NY. Which is wonderful because we haven't seen Grampa in a while and the boys, as Hunter puts it, are "super" excited. However, this will be the first Christmas without both Nana & Pappy and without Gramma. And if you haven't figured it out yet, I will be in a house full of boys. Usually, I have someone to share the excitement of shopping, cooking, wrapping presents with. It makes it more fun. This year, my shopping is done. My cooking will be done with the boys. (Which I think will be fun.) But, I'm trying to push all the chaos aside this year and teach the boys the true meaning of Christmas. Yes, the birth of Jesus is at the top of that list. But there's more that ties into to it...the importance on family/friends and helping others. Hunter was asking some good questions the other day that we're going to find the answers to....why do we have Christmas trees, why do we put lights on the houses, why are there wreaths on the doors, who first started sending out Christmas cards? (We'll be doing a lot of googling.)
So, what I'd like to do is ask all of you about your traditions. Post some of your favorite traditions on the comments section. I'd like to start some new traditions this year with the boys. Something that will make this Christmas that much more special for all of us.
Thanks for your help!

Picture worth a thousand words...or maybe dollars?

2008-11-29T13:09:00.003-05:00

Sean loves books. But not kids books. Here's a book he snagged from Daddy. Look closely at the title. Our little genius is going to make millions.

Happy Thanksgiving

2008-11-27T07:07:00.002-05:00

Yesterday, I was reminded what Thanksgiving is all about. I was stressing about having all the right food for dinner including the gluten free/casein free for Sean, getting the house in some what of an order and baking something. I didn't care what I baked I just felt like I should bake something. (At 9pm last night I finally decided on a pumpkin bread that everyone, including Sean, could eat. Haven't tasted it yet but it sure does smell good.) In the midst of all my business yesterday, Hunter stopped me and said "Mommy, do you know why we have Thanksgiving?" I said to him "does it have something to do with the Pligrims and the Indians having dinner together?" I just knew it was going to be a cute version of the Pilgrims and the Indians that he heard in kindergarten. "Yes Mommy but it's not about the food. Do you know WHY the Pilgrims came to America?" He said. "So they can worship God any way they want to!"
How lucky we truly are.
Today is a great day for us to stop and think of every thing we have to be thankful for. Years ago, my mom started a tradition where every Thanksgiving each of us would write in a book what we have to be thankful for. This year, I'm thankful for my incredible family including two energetic, free spirited, creative, caring, loving kids who sometimes know how to push my buttons on a "no-school" day :) (you should have seen yesterday!), an awesome church that runs a special program for special needs children so that parents like us can attend church with no worries (thanks Jennifer!), fun neighbors who don't judge and are always there for you, a pantry full of food, a warm home and of course all of my friends! It's so easy for us all to get overwhelmed in the economy like today. Instead of worrying, we should all stop and be very grateful for what we do have. So today, let's eat lots of turkey, watch the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade, football and of course The Christmas Story. Most importantly, let's take some time to thank God for everything we do have instead of asking for everything we don't have.
And don't forget about planning your shopping route for tomorrow's Black Friday sales!!!
Happy Thanksgiving!!!!

"Don't Sweat The Small Stuff"

2008-11-15T21:43:00.003-05:00

It's amazing how many times I catch Hunter praying. He prays over everything. We have our bed time prayers which usually go something like this....

"Dear Gawd....thank you for a great day today. Please bring Daddy home safely. And please oh please Gawd, give me good dreams only. No bad dreams tonight."

Then there are the prayers that he prays over friends who are not feeling well.....

"Dear Gawd....please Gawd, help Grayson feel better today."

I'll never forget the time when he was about 4 and he "layed hands" on Sean. He really believed that all he had to do was place his hands on his brother and pray....

"Dear Gawd, please help Sean learn to talk." (Guess whose now talking!)

All of these prayers are so special to me. But the ones that get me the most are when he stops and prays over the small stuff and than he moves on. He doesn't worry about whatever the problem is. He prays and keeps on going.

"Dear Gawd...please make this medicine I'm about to take NOT taste so yucky."

"Dear Gawd...please help Mommy make something yummy for dinner tonight with no vegetables."

and my favorite....

"Dear Gawd...please don't let this spanking hurt." (Disclaimer: spankings are used for big time disclipining only. I don't want anyone to think we go around spanking the kids all day. :)

If only we could not sweat the small stuff....just pray and move on.....

Day at the Park and a "Collection in My Heart"

2008-11-10T21:30:00.005-05:00

For the past week, the weather was been absolutely beautiful here in Raleigh. We had a great time at the park yesterday with Daddy. The boys had alot of fun playing, climbing trees and just hanging out with Daddy. Here are some pictures of our day.....

In other news, this morning when I dropped Hunter off at school, I gave him a kiss and told him to have a good day. He stopped and looked at me with his hand on his cheek and said "You know Mommy, I'll never throw away your kisses. I have a collection of them. I collect them in my heart." Once again, another time where if I laugh because it's so darn cute, he'd be devastated. He was very serious. Too cute.

Hunter is also learning how to ride a bicycle with no training wheels. He started yesterday and is doing great. I'll post pictures soon. Sean also tried this morning and did pretty good.

I told Jeremy the other day that we need to start preparing ourselves for Christmas. For the first time ever, Sean is able to ask for what he wants. This is huge for us. Last year, we would have given anything to hear Sean ask for something other than crayons. He wasn't into any toys. Now, he sees a commercial and then asks to go to either Target or Walmart. The first time he did this was great. Over the course of two days, he was consistently asking us for something that sounded like "Rhino game" other times it sounded like "Rhyme Word game". We looked all over the house, asked all of his therapists and no one could figure it out. Finally he looked at me and said "Go Walmart. Rhino game." So, we of course went to Walmart. He went straight back to the game section but couldn't find it. He looked up at me and said "ok...go to Target." So we, of course, went to Target. Again, he went back to the games and sure enough there it was the Rhino game....

Yes...he got the Rhino game. A couple days later, we're at Walmart again searching for a friend's birthday present. Sean's going through Walmart with Nana and says "stop. Swim to me Puppy." Nana says "I think he wants something Nicole." I turned and looked at him. He's looking at me with his eyes all lit up and says "want swim to me puppy." I looked at the shelf and sure enough it's Swim To Me Puppy.

And yes, he brought that puppy home that day. As we're walking out of Walmart, he's smiling and says "Rhino game....swim to me puppy." It's like he was thinking back to his winnings and thought 'hey, all I have to do is say it and I get it.' Not so fast sly boy....yes some of you may think I'm crazy for buying both of these toys in one week this close to Christmas. But when you've been waiting for six years for your child to not only want to play with toys but to then ask for them, you want to reward that. You'd do anything. However, since then, we've backed off. We're now explaining to Sean that he has to wait for Santa and maybe Santa will bring it. He's not too happy with this Santa guy right now!

Election Time

2008-10-24T20:38:00.004-04:00

I just want to take this time and encourage everyone to not only vote but to make a real thought out educated vote. Research the candidates. Don't just read their websites. (Of course it all sounds good. It's their sites.) Don't just listen to the commercials on TV. (Same as the web sites.) And most importantly, don't listen to the media. (They are only trying to convince you to vote the way they want you to vote.) Research what they've done, whether good or bad. Know the candidate that you vote for. Don't just vote for someone because your friend is, your husband/wife is, or your parents are. Vote for the candidate that has the same beliefs as you do. Know who you are voting for our next President to be.

(Paid for by the Collins Family to elect McCain-Palin. We had to give our shout out!)

Prayers Needed

2008-10-16T13:51:00.002-04:00

Please take some time to visit the following blog and pray for this amazing family.

Confessions of a CF Husband

Traveling and traveling and traveling and traveling

2008-10-12T20:41:00.001-04:00

Sorry I haven't posted anything in quite a while. We just returned from our trip to Disney.

Here are some pictures from our trip to Disney. We (Jeremy, myself, the boys and Sean's teacher Jennifer) had a great time! Sean had the Golden Ticket. Ahhhh yes the Golden Ticket. Disney gives a special pass to children with autism and their family so that they don't have to wait in line. (Large crowds and waiting in line don't mix to well with autism.) Imagine Disney with no lines. It was amazing. They bent over backwards for Sean. The characters were so good with him and made him so happy. Especially Goofy. Disney made sure he had the food he could eat including desserts. It was great! They made our vacation so wonderful.

Hunter had a blast. He loved the Big Thunder Mountain rollercoaster, he swore up and down that he was not scared in the Haunted Mansion and finally found a word that doesn't begin with a letter. (Just ask and I'll tell you.) Sean loved meeting the characters, having lunch with them and seeing Playhouse Disney live.

We can't wait to go again! Thanks Jennifer for coming with us!

The title of this blog entry is from Hunter's famous quote on the way down to Disney. After about 4 hours of traveling in the car he said he could take no more and then he shouted "I've been traveling and traveling and traveling and traveling and traveling and traveling. Now I'm all done."

Playing on the Playground at the resort

Miss Jennifer and Sean eating at Rainforest Cafe

Going to Mickey's Not So Scarey Halloween Party

Miss Jennifer and Hunter making silly faces. I have to add that it was Jennifers idea :)

And our personal favorite...

Jeremy and I wanted to get some good ones of the two of us.

Good picture but still not our favorite. This is our favorite. This picture was taken before the above picture and right at the exact time that I was hit in the stomach by my wonderful son...

It's ok, you can laugh....

There must be old people in there....

2008-09-30T11:28:00.002-04:00

It's track out time....which means Hunter is out of school for three weeks. (yes, three weeks. Please pray.) I've been trying to keep him busy so we headed to Target this am so that the house was less chaotic for Sean and his therapist. (Don't get me wrong...we love to have the boys play together but when Sean has work to do, it's best when the house is not so crazy.) Anways....as we were walking out of Target (picture a really cute 6 year old little Hunter with his ECU hat on backwards, face dirty from a sweet treat and shorts on backwards because he dressed himself and Mommy didn't catch it until that moment), Hunter points to a car parked in the Handicapped Parking. He yells very loudly "you know Mommy, there must be old people in there. 'Cause they are parked in the parking spot with the rectangle sign which means they're old!!!"
It's so funny to me how observant our children really are!
And yes, sitting up front in that very car with the windows down was a Grandpa. He just laughed. (When we got to the car I did explain to him the different reasons why people park in handicapped parking.)

Sean's progress at school

2008-09-17T20:16:00.006-04:00

Just a quick update on how Sean is doing at school. As you know he's attending a Montessori school with a shadow. (A shadow is his therapist and she goes to school with him. Helps him stay on task, helps him initiate play and most importantly educates the school and teachers about autism and helps them truly get to know him so that she can eventually fade herself out.) He is doing really well at school. Today was a great day. Lots of playing with new toys, interacting with friends and no scripting. (Scripting is when he recites lines from his favorite movies as a way of calming himself or when he's bored.) We are so proud of how well he is doing at school. Please pray that he'll continue to succeed in school.

Charlotte

2008-09-17T20:16:00.005-04:00

Meet our new friend Charlotte.We found her on our back porch about a week ago. When I first saw Charlotte I immediately looked for a shoe to kill her. Then I remembered a friends blog where she mentioned a special spider called a Writing Spider and how they are harmless. She named her Charlotte. After about 2 weeks, Charlotte left my friend's house and some how made her way to my house. (It was about a 5 mile hike for her.) She has moved her web twice on our back porch. What is so facinating is that she re-does her web about every three nights and she even has a signature to her web. (Look really closely and you'll see the zigzag line.) The boys love checking on her every day. Jeremy, well let's say she's even starting to grow on him. He pressure washed our backporch this past weekend and totally went around Charlotte's web. He even helped her get out a leaf that flew in her web. Of course that was right before he thought she jumped on his arm and he almost had a heartattack.

* As a side note, please let me know asap if you believe this is a dangerous spider so that I can go get that shoe!

The Toothfairy

2008-09-13T14:32:00.005-04:00

Hunter will finally get his first visit from the Toothfairy tonight. He has four loose teeth and one of them finally came out. Sean got to pull it out since Hunter pulled out Sean's first one. (Just kidding. We would never do that. I actually had the honors. If you missed the story on Hunter pulling out Sean's click here.)

Hunter is very excited about the Toothfairy coming tonight. Here are some pictures....

6 Years Ago Today.....

2008-09-09T20:14:00.004-04:00

Six years ago today, your Daddy and I were given the best thing in the world. Six years ago today we had no idea how much our lives would change for the better. Six years ago today, you rocked our world that very first year. Six years ago today, we were blessed with two very healthy happy beautiful baby boys. It's amazing how much the two of you have grown into very smart handsome little men and we are so proud of you both. Six years ago today the best thing in our lives happened...you both were born. (Via C-section I might add.)

Happy Birthday Sean and Hunter!

Let the Festivities Begin.....

2008-09-07T22:47:00.008-04:00

I believe that birthdays should be a huge celebration for everyone. Whether your a child or an adult, I believe you should celebrate your birthday as much as possible. That's why I believe in "birthday weeks." (You celebrate your birthday for an entire week.) Well, the boys turn 6 on Tuesday so we started a week long celebration tonight. And boy did we start it off right...

Tonight we had the boys birthday party at Monkey Joe's in Cary. (If you've never been to Monkey Joe's, you have to go. The owner, Keith, is wonderful and their staff is so good with the kids!) Monkey Joe's is an indoor bouncey house place. However, it's not your typical bouncey house place. Not only do they have the coolest slides, climbing stuff and mazes. They also have good food, a staff that actually watches all of the children and tv's all throughout the place. And to top it all off, they also have a Parents Area complete with massage chairs, flat screen tv's, and a computer area. It is so much fun. Sean and Hunter decided that's where they wanted their party this year. (No complaining on my part. I had to do nothing but show up with the cakes, pay and have fun.) Sean and Hunter had a blast. We had the whole place to ourselves. Just the boys and 20 of their friends. (We decided to do their party after hours so that it wasn't too overwhelming for Sean.) Sean's favorite part of course was when everyone sang Happy Birthday to him. He also loved the dinosaurs and sliding down the "big" slide. Hunter was just so excited that all of his friends were there. Everyone had a blast. Their actualy birthday is on Tuesday. I think we'll take them to their favorite restaurant....Chick-Fila. Here are some pictures...

And now the video of Sean's favorite part. Just look at his smile. He's been waiting all year for this...

And here's Hunter's too....

What It's All About...

2008-08-21T22:19:00.008-04:00

The other day while we're riding in the car I hear from the back seat....
"You know mommy, do you know who I love the best?"
I, of course, start smiling.
"You know who I love more than anyone in the whole world."
I'm thinking wow I'm a pretty lucky mommy.
"Do you know who I'll love forever and ever and it will never go away?"
I turned and smiled at him waiting to hear "you Mommy" and he says...
"God. I love God so much Mommy."
I thought for sure if he would have said anyone else I would have had my heart broken. But when he said God I was speechless.

He then says "you know, I have Jesus in my heart and I always will."

Then, I had to hurry and get my teaching skills in order. I've heard other moms talking about this. Their children accepting Christ into their lives and becoming believers. I think this is it. This is when Hunter is going to say his special prayer that he believes. And I am going to be there with him. But I didn't want to force it on him. I want this to be something he believes and feels. But I couldn't help my excitement. I could write this in our family Bible. I'll have the date, the time, what we were doing, how he said it, what he was wearing, who was in the car, etc...

ok...collect your thoughts and be there for him....

So I say "Do you know what it means to have Jesus in your heart?"

"Well yes Mommy."

I proceed to tell him in the most kid friendly way as possible without scaring him half to death how Jesus died on the cross for our sins, rose from the dead and now is in Heaven watching over us. He all of a sudden interrupts me and says...

"Yeah, yeah, Mommy. I already know that. That's not what I'm worried about. I'm not worried about me going to Heaven I'm worried about everyone who is not going. There's alot of people who don't know about Jesus."

So, if you're not a believer or need some words of wisdom to help others believe, ask Hunter. He's the most passionate Christian I know.

First Day of School Jitters....

2008-08-21T19:47:00.008-04:00

Ok...I don't know who had more jitterbugs in their tummy this morning...Sean, me or Jennifer. (Jennifer is his in home therapist that is helping him transition into the school.) So, the three of us are walking into his new school and Jennifer looks down and says to Sean "Are you excited buddy?" Sean says "No." Then she says "aw...are you scared?" Sean says "yes." Then he walked right into the classroom with Jennifer and I went to a meeting for new parents of the school. The entire time I was in the meeting I was trying so hard to pay attention. All I kept thinking was....is he having fun...is it too much for him...is he being too loud for the classroom...has he had a meltdown...maybe this isn't right....yeah, I think I had the most jitterbugs.

I ended up leaving the meeting a few minutes early. (I had to go see.) Sean did really good at school. He was there for about two hours this morning to get to know his teacher and his classroom. He loved it. I think the Montessori program is going to fit Sean perfectly. Not too much noise, he'll get to make his own choices and no forced socialization. (We've found with Sean that when we try to force him to socialize he backs off. If we back off, he'll do it at his own pace.) Jeremy and I have decided that it's best to let Sean go at his own pace. When he's ready, he'll do everything he needs to do to. In the meanwhile, we'll provide him with all love, support and tools he needs to move forward. I am so proud of how well he did today. And he was so proud to go to his new school. Good job Sean!!!

Mini Vacation at the Beach

2008-08-12T21:58:00.009-04:00

This past Saturday we went to Emerald Isle for two days. It was Jeremy, me, Sean, Hunter and Pappy. (Nana's in Germany.) We had a blast. I have to say that this was one of my favorite family getaways. Everyone really enjoyed themselves. One of Jeremy's old army buddies, Chad, was there vacationing with his family. It was Chad, his wife Tara, their daughter Peyton who is 11 and there son Brady who is 6. (Although Brady was trying hard to convince us he's 7.) Saturday night everyone went to Shooters for dinner which was absolutely delicious. (I had two pounds of Snow Crab legs. I could have eaten more but stopped myself. You gotta love the Snow Crab legs.) Then we went for a walk on the beach at night. The boys thought that was the coolest thing in the world. Sunday, we headed to the beach where all the fun started. All of the kids had a great time together.

Hunter and Brady had a good time playing in the sand.

Sean loved Peyton. He was by her side almost the entire time we were there. They played in the ocean together. Sean even rode a boogie board. He was great at it. (We're thinking of signing him up for Surfers Healing next year.)

As for Pappy, let's just say he was in charge of building the sand castles!

After the beach and lunch, we headed to the Aquarium. We haven't been in several years and since then they've remodeled and it's really cool. We saw sharks, turtles, octopuses (is that correct or would it be octopi's?), seahorses, and more.

Here are some of our favorite pictures....

Peyton, Sean, Hunter & Brady

The Collins & The Browns

ok...now scroll down for the picture that will make you look twice....

Could it really be two Hunters?

Which is the real Hunter?

Fun at Camp

2008-08-08T22:12:00.006-04:00

Sean and Hunter both got to enjoy camp at the YMCA. Sean went this past week and had a blast. They did everything from games, nature walks, swimming at the pool, arts and crafts and more. Sean had a really good time and got to share this special time with his therapist Jennifer. (The YMCA we go to is so awesome. Kraft Family YMCA. They allowed for Sean to attend a regular camp with his therapist so that he could work on socialization. They do have a wonderful camp for chlildren with autism. However, we wanted to use this camp experience as a way to help prepare him for the Montessori school he'll be going to in two weeks.)

Hunter went for about two weeks in mid July. He really enjoyed it. After about two days at the Y, Hunter came home and looked at me as serious as he could be and said "Did you know that God is our shephard and we are his sheep. That's because we're suppose to follow his word like sheep follow shephards." I said to him "wow, you sure got alot out of church this past weekend, huh?" That's when he shared that he learned this from his Camp Counselors at the Y. He really enjoyed himself and learned so much.

Time for Kindergarten and Speed Skating

2008-07-31T22:54:00.003-04:00

Yesterday was Hunter's first day at Kindergarten. He absolutely loved it. He was very proud of himself, made lots of new friends including one that he calls his favorite....yes, you guessed it, a little girl named Olivia. Most importantly he loves his teacher. Here's a picture of our little kindergartener....

In the meantime....Sean's decided to put school on hold to further his career in Speed Skating...

(All joking aside, Sean's school starts end of August.)

It must be Gramma Night

2008-07-28T20:10:00.012-04:00

Chick-Fila is the number one choice of fast food in our home. The boys love it. I remember being little and loving Happy Meals. Now, it's Kids Meals from Chick-Fila. Our regular night at Chick-Fila is Tuesday nights for Kids Nights. The boys get a discount on the food and they plan some really cool activities for the kids. Well, last night I was planning on baking some chicken when I realized I defrosted the wrong kind. So at the last minute we had no idea what to do and decided to head to our number one stand by....Chick-Fila. (Sean loves the polynesian sauce.) We get to Chick-Fila and it is packed. I mean no table avialable packed. It was Monday night....Church Bulletin Night. (For those of you not familiar with Chick-Fila....Chick-Fila is closed on Sundays so that their workers can go to their place of worship and spend time with family.) Well, if you bring your church bulletin from Sunday to Chick-Fila on Monday nights, you get a free Chick-Fila sandwich. Needless to say it was packed. And it was packed with mostly, well let me tell you exactly what Hunter said...."Mommy there sure are alot of Grammas in here." He was so excited because he figured out what was going on. He stopped eating, put down his sandwich and said in a very loud excited voice that seemed to echo throughout the restaurant..."Mommy I know what it is, it must be Gramma night tonight!" (He thought Chick-Fila did a special night for Grammas like they do kids.)

Inspiration

2008-07-28T13:44:00.004-04:00

A friend of mine posted this link on her blog. I hope it blesses you as much as it did me. This post made me see life differently and appreciate every moment that I have. Try to take some time today to read.

Click here